Short Stories

Shut Up

     Your face is deathly pale, and blood leaks between your lips. I scramble to reach for your neck, feel for a pulse. Your veins remain still beneath my fingers. Someone screams in the distance, and on some level I realize that it's me, I'm the one screaming, and shut up shut up shutup.

     I don't shut up. 

     I tug at your shirt hem, checking for an impact wound, a stab mark, a bullet. Your skin is unbroken and even everywhere I dare to check. What is it? What did it? Screaming and crying and shaking and shut up shut up shutup.

    Now more people are yelling and it's loudloudloud and I just want to be anywhere else and the lights of ambulances confuse me and all there is is red and blue and white and bright and loud and shut up shut up shutup.

    People are touching me and tugging me away from you and no and how dare they and I cling to your pale arm and refuse to let go and the lights get brighter until they're brighter than the sun and I can't see it's too brightbrightbright and everyone shouts and talks and whispers and moves too loudly and the sirens echo and it's loudloudloud and I just want quiet I just want them to shut up shut up shutup.

    Nobody shuts up.

     Now they rip you away from me and how could they and I'm pushed away from the scene and how dare they and they leave with you and without me and it's dark again and it's quiet again except for a scream that's so much like a banshee's that I think I'm hallucinating and shut up shut up shutup.

    I curl into myself and I won't walk back to the apartment and I won't leave what's left of you but it's loudloudloud with the ringing in my ears and the screaming and suddenly I start to think that it's me screaming and shut up shut up shutup.

    People from the building across the street come out and shout at me and it's loudloudloud and I don't listen I can't listen I can't I can't I can't and they're angry and angry and they have no right and I just want everything to shut up shut up shutup.

    Nothing shuts up. 

     Someone who lives in an apartment down the hall from me shows up and her tone is nice but I can feel her pity and I am not weak but I am weakweakweak and lost and she helps me back to my apartment but I don't want to go I don't but I go anyway and I'm leaving you like you left me and I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry and now she's trying to console me but just shut up shut up shutup.

    Now I'm all alone in my apartment and it's quiet but in my head you're talking and how dare you come back like this and it's too quiet now because now I can hear and you talktalktalk inside my head and I almost start to think that you're really back and please shut up shut up shutup.

    Your voice is everywhere I turn and your face is behind my closed eyelids and just go away but you don't and I shuffle around looking for a distraction because you just talktalktalk and I don't want you here but you won't leave so it's just me and you and pleasepleaseplease just shut up shut up shutup.

    You don't shut up. 

     I toss and turn and I'm so tired and I'm barely awake but sleep won't come and I just want to sleep but you're here with those words and that face and that voice and go away and please just let me be but you don't and you won't and shut up shut up shutup.

    All at once you're gone again and I miss you I miss you I miss you but you don't come back and it's all so quietquietquiet and I want the loud so I open my mouth but nothing comes out and it's silentsilentsilent and come back.

    I'm broken now I'm broken and nothing can put me back and I want to rewind but I can't and I'm alone but too cramped and crowded and my own thoughts turn against me and I'm so empty and lost and how dare you do this to me.

    Neither of us come back.