Life had been next to perfect since Owen and I had the talk that night at his trailer. What we thought would completely destroy us only made us closer.
There wasn't a doubt in my mind that what I'm doing was the right thing. While, Owen and I aren't engaged at the moment...there were plans. Plans of a future with him. Marriage, babies, a house. My life was turning into what I'd hoped it would before that first pill.
My childhood was unbearable. The only one that could keep me from tipping over the edge was my big brother, Derek. But he could only do so much before I just couldn't deal with the pain that destroyed me. Sometime in between the innocence of childhood and the downward spiral of Hurricane Amelia I found myself imagining what it would be like to be married and have babies of my own. I imagined it being the most happy moments of my life; a mother and, most importantly, a father that adored each other and lived for their children.
I looked up from the newspaper I was browsing through as I drank my morning coffee when I heard hushed tones coming from the living room. Intrigued, I set the newspaper down and stood from the kitchen chair. As I neared the doorway, though never quite making it to the door, I noticed it was Maggie and Meredith.
"Maggie, I just can't deal with her anymore!" Meredith was trying to be quiet; she didn't realize I was right there next to her.
"Mer, that's a little harsh isn't it? She's your sister."
"No, she was Derek's sister. She is /not/ my sister. You are my sister. Lexie was my sister. Cristina is my sister. Amelia will never be my sister."
"Meredith! She lost someone too, you know. How could you even think like that." Maggie was like a ray of sunshine, the person that always tried to put a good spin on things. Couldn't she ever tone down the happy?
"I want her out of my house. She's moving in on Cristina's territory and mine. She doesn't belong here." I could see her motion around the room indicating that I was not welcomed in this house. "And she walks around the hospital like she owns the place."
Hearing those words was like a punch to the gut and I was sure my legs were going to give out right underneath me. Meredith and I never got along as well as I'd hoped and her words just confirmed it for me; I was nobody. I was the /wrong/ Doctor Shepherd. And every moment I'm here is a reminder of that.
Taking a deep breath and trying to keep my face void of emotion, I round the corner of the door into the living room.
"What did you just say??"
They both whip around at the sound of my voice. The look on Maggie's face was one of terror but Meredith's...hers was just the opposite. I didn't give either a chance to say anything before I opened my mouth.
"How /dare/ you say something so absurd, Meredith! What the hell have I ever done to you?!" I wasn't the best person in the world, but I didn't think I was as awful as she was making me out to be. "Is that how you see me? Some kind of disease infecting all of your precious little friends and /your/ hospital?"
"Well, you are! You're everywhere and Owen wi-" I hold up my hands to stop her from saying another word.
"You.. /You/ are the one that encouraged me to get the stick out of my ass and give in to what I was feeling for Owen. And now you're turning into some kind of psycho bitch about it now that I'm actually happy and in love. You ruin everything you touch, Meredith. /Everything/!"
Maggie had disappeared to make sure the kids stayed upstairs so they didn't have to witness their mom and aunt verbally ripping each other to shreds.
"I'm not the one that medicates and drinks herself into a stupor every time there's a bump in the road!"
"Oh! Really?! So those bottles of tequila in your kitchen, and hidden throughout the house, aren't yours?"
"You have /no/ idea what I've been through, Amelia, and you have /no/ right to treat me like this!"
"Are you fucking kidding me??!" I knew my voice was rising along with my blood pressure and the need to find the nearest bar. "I don't know what you've been through? What rock have you been living under?! My dad was killed in front of me. I died. My fiancé died in bed /beside/ me! My baby died 43 minutes after I labored him into this life." I started pacing the room, running my fingers anxiously through my hair as my hands started to tremble. "My brother died! Remember that, Meredith?! Remember when you didn't even fucking tell me and I didn't get a chance to see him or tell him goodbye? Do you fucking remember that?!"
I didn't give Meredith a chance to say a word before I stormed off and escaped up the stairs, slamming my bedroom door but not before I heard her holler from the foot of the stairs.
"I want you /out/ of my house, Amelia! I want you out before I come back home from work!"
I had already started packing my bags before she screeched up the stairs. There was no way in hell I'd want to live in a house with her. It was clear that there was no repairing this relationship. Maggie and Meredith were more like my sisters than my own flesh and blood, but apparently I was shit to them. At least to Meredith.
I could hear Meredith upstairs getting her kids so she and Maggie could drop them off at the babysitter's.
Flipping my door locked, so she couldn't come in and threaten me anymore, I sunk to the ground as the tears started flowing freely. I buried my face in my hands and tried my hardest to control the sobs but it was no use.
The front door closed and suddenly the house was completely silent. I was alone. Dragging my bags down the stairs and to the front door, I contemplated what I was going to do now. I went to the kitchen and saw that my coffee and newspaper were gone as if I hadn't been sitting there earlier this morning. The day started with me playing with Zola and Bailey and ended with me homeless. It wasn't even 9AM.
As I waited for the cab to come and pick me up to take me to the hospital, along with all of my stuff, I decided I'd send Owen a text. My fingers hovered over the touchscreen, not knowing what I'd tell him. He didn't have room for my things, and he might not even want me around. Not after how Meredith made it sound that he was still Cristina's. I couldn't see Owen doing that but I still couldn't shake Meredith's harsh words.
Finally, I tapped on his last text to me and replied.
::Hey... I hope your morning's going good. I miss you, Owen...::
I hit send, kicking myself for sending such a lame text to him but I couldn't bring myself to tell him what happened yet.
I looked up from my perch on the porch steps when I heard a -beep, beep- at the curb. The taxi was here and it was time to go. It was time to be homeless.
The cab driver got out and helped me with my bags, throwing them in the trunk as I crawled into the backseat. As soon as he got in he looked in the rear view mirror.
"Where to, Miss?"
"Grey Sloan Memorial, please..."
I could see the question in his eyes. 'Why was this girl lugging all this crap to a hospital?' but I turned my focus to the window to look at the house one more time before he drives away.
