a different side (peter pan/robbie kay)

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"Villains don't get happy endings, papa. And I'm here to make sure you never get yours."

Those words were etched into my brain as I fell helplessly to the ground.

I was desperate to help myself stand up again, but I was too weak. All the energy had drained from me. Every fiber of my being was experiencing agonizing pain and weakness, all at once. There was nothing left for me to do. My fate had been set in stone the second my son put that water inside of me. I was in too much pain to take that faux heart out myself; but even so, the water had already pumped through my veins the second it went inside of me.

As I hit to the wooden floor, everything came to me at once. I remembered the day that my father sold me to a blacksmith. The feeling of sadness from being torn away from something became all too familiar again. Sweat dripped from my face at just the memory of my countless days in front of hot coals. Just like now, I remember feeling helpless.

All I wanted was my childhood back. I became scared of losing it again, and I went too far. None of what I had done as Peter Pan was intentional from the start. It started as a desire to live out my missed childhood, and it grew into a fight for survival. I destroyed those who defied me and those who threatened me. I was no longer a boy desperate to live out his missed childhood experiences. I had become a monster.

In the midst of all of my anger, I had forgotten the sole reason I decided to leave everything behind for Neverland. But I never understood how some of my best lost boys never noticed. I never told any of them what happened to me as child, but how did they not notice the flames in my eyes? How did they not see my eyes flicker with pain every night when I played my pan flute?

Only certain boys could hear the music that came from it; only boys who were lost. I was the boy who heard it the loudest.

I tried to pull myself up off the floor one last time. At that point, it was too late for me. For a split second, I felt nothing but numbness. After that second and the rest that came after, all I felt was pain.

My brain pounded against my skull which sent a chain reaction of nerve pain through every inch of my skin. My veins stung with blood so hot it could melt my insides. The faux heart pumped more and more of new home into me. The pain didn't bother me anymore though, because truthfully I was only thinking about one thing.

I was scared.

My newly decided fate was eternal suffering. It was enough to be stuck in a place where I had unfinished business, but now I would be in a place where I would be forever lost. No amount of preparation could ready me for this. The only difference between a regular situation and this was that magic could not get me out of this now. If the pain weren't as unbearable, I would have tried anyways.

As I felt my body go numb and I could feel myself letting go of my struggle to stay safe, I remembered the one thing I used to tell myself. Those three simple words I would repeat to myself when it felt hopeless.

Think lovely thoughts.

All I could do was pray that I did.