Fat.

Chapter Fourteen - A Date, Beauty, and A Friend

After getting a text from my father saying to go home, I walk with Mikey to his shitty car.

After my conversation with Mikey, I keep thinking about my mother's accident. I tell myself I care about what happened with her accident, But I've being telling myself that too much. It just feels all wrong. Like maybe I don't really care for my mother all that much. Like maybe my feelings are artificial and I actually just really hate her.

I open the car door without a word and buckle my belt when I get inside.

The sky is still gray, there is a thundery pressure in the air, and I keep spacing off.

Mikey says nothing. I try to ignore what happened with my mom for a few seconds and leave my universe, and I enter his. Thinking of all the times I've seen his father, he seemed like an okay guy. He never seemed crazy or anything.

I remember one summer his father tried having a barbecue and everything burned on the grill because he had to take a phone call. Nobody was watching the food, which left their back garden with a gigantic singe in one circle in the back of his small garden.

I didn't really know a lot about Mikey back then. I still don't really know a lot about him now. He was always more of Max's friend than mine.

His father was an average looking guy. He liked baseball and always wore an old Red Sox hat. He liked telling sports jokes, that I never understood, and liked talking about cars.

Why did such a normal guy disappear like that?

The ride goes quickly, neither one of us says a word. Before long, I'm standing at my doorstep with my jacket unzipped, and my bag slung over my shoulders. Rain starts to fall heavily and wind nips at my face.

I knock on the door hoping either Max or Dad are home.

When I don't get an answer, I find my keys and run inside. I slam the door shut and immediately hear almost-torrential rain pour behind me.

If I ever have a favorite sound, it is always rain. The smell, the sound, and the feel of rain in the sky.

But if there is another thing I like, it is food.

I drop my soggy bag on the floor, peel off my sopped jacket, shoes and socks, and walk to the fridge. The house feels empty and lonely, so I turn on the radio, a car dealership ad playing, pull out my laptop, and wait for it to load as I look in the fridge.

The coolness of the inside of the fridge meets my arm as I reach for milk. I close it, reach for the counter and grab coca powder, sugar, and cookies.

I microwave the milk and eventually I have hot chocolate and cookies.

I set everything beside my laptop and take a sip of the sweet drink. A feeling settles in my stomach when I realize that I shouldn't be eating this.

For once , I ignore my conscience and continue eating. When my computer starts up, I log into Facebook.

Usually I never get notifications, just one or two messages at the most, but this time I have a friend request, and that is when I see that it's from James.

And that's when I also squeal and accidentally spill really hot hot-chocolate on my lap.

"Ow," I hiss and smile at the same time. I grab a cloth and clean it up. I dance back over to the computer and accept the request.

I click his profile and see that he has almost nine hundred friends. I have only have one hundred and twenty. His profile picture is a picture of him smiling beside another one of his friends, smirking.

I scroll through his page and see that his birthday was a couple of days ago. He just turned seventeen. As I keep going down, I see the majority of post are from girls. They seem like flirty (others seem awkwardly flirty) and I start for feel unease.

If there is anything worse than liking someone a lot who is out of your league, it would be liking someone a lot who is out of your league, AND has a lot of other people like them a lot too. Also, I notice a lot of pictures are posted of him holding the hand of a girl, tagged as Anna. The girl is slim, tall, and has a pretty face and perfect red hair.

I look down at my stomach and see I have something she doesn't. A big stomach.

I pick up another cookie and eat it not really caring, as I scroll through more of his posts, each with over fifty likes each. I sigh.

A flash of red pops in the upper corner of my screen and see it's a message from James. I open my eyes a little more and click it open.

He's online. "Hi," He says.
I try to be brave and type "Hey," and press enter.
A few seconds later he types in that he saw my music selection and saw that I liked the same music as him.
I don't really know what to say back so I ask him what music he likes, hoping I don't sound weird to him.


We carry on like this for about an hour. I start feeling like I'm normally talking to a friend. I found out he read some of the same books as me and likes all the shows I like. I am dumbfounded by how goddamn perfect that guy is.

I feel all giddy and hyper, and on a high.

Eventually after an hour, like all highs, I crash and realize that this 'friend/acquaintance relationship' we have going on isn't exactly straight. He doesn't know anything about my life. With me, or my ex or with my mother. Or with my news article. Part of me wishes that I didn't see him earlier. Maybe if I was honest up front things would've been different.

Every next message I exchange with him, for the next forty minutes, seems false. He starts a conversation about guitars before he says he has to leave for football practice. I say goodbye and log off. And take the last cookie from the packet for measure.


I browse YouTube for a good while and eventually, the doorbell rings. I walk to answer assuming it's Max, but open to see Vic.

Her hair is wet, her mascara is smudged and her jacket is drenched in the downpour. Outside it is still raining like Hell. I motion for her to come inside and close the door. "My car broke down over by the gas station near your house. I just thought I'd walk over." She breathes.

I smile a little. "It's okay." She gives a small smile and we both start walking down the hallway. "So," she starts . "Why weren't you at school for the rest of the day?"

I sigh and start to explain.

We ended up finishing our conversation in the sitting room. When I finish, Vic just nods. "Okay. So, your mom...? When is she back?" I shrug. "Medical induced coma. So I have no idea." She nods again. "Aimee, don't worry about it." I stay quiet about it. I've been told the same thing all day.

"I don't feel sorry about it. At all." I continue. "And I feel like a bad person because of that." My voice cracks out of nowhere.

She takes a minute to respond, "You are not a bad person. You're awesome. You aren't mean or cruel, and you're a sweet girl. I know that whatever feeling you feel for your mom is true to you, and that you aren't feeling this way for a reason. I know you very well. Promise me that you will not be telling yourself these things because you are wrong."

I nod, although everything she just said went through one ear and out the other, I did catch her say the thing about me feeling these things for a reason.

I stare at the corner where the two wall sides connect and stare at the shadow, narrowing my eyes.

I didn't notice Vic trying to catch my attention. "What?" I ask. She rolls her eyes. "You were ignoring me. Anyway, on the brighter side of your life, you said James sent you a friend request...?" She face turns from a small smile to a large grin. She playfully punches my shoulder. "Is he your boyfrieeend yett...?" She teases.

My face turns hot and I turn my head down to hide my cheek. "No. What are you? Like, twelve? No." I keep my head down and Vic snorts.

"Did you message him?" She asks. I sit back normally now. "He messaged me."

Her mouth forms an "O". "Really? Wow. How long were you guys talking?" I smile a little. "Less than two hours." She giggles. "Talking about what?" She asks in return.

She braids the end of her shiny and sleek red hair. I sigh wishing my hair was like hers. "Stuff. Like music and books..." I trail off. "Bor-ring!" She sings. "Did you ask him out?"


"What? Why the hell would I ask him out now?" I flail my hands over my head. She looks at me like I'm missing out on something. "Well if you really like him, you need to ask him out sooner or you'll be too late."

She has a point.

"I would," I say but I need to show you something." I get up quickly and run into the kitchen to grab my laptop. I go back onto the couch beside Vic and open the cover and type my password.

I go back onto Facebook and show her his page. "Look," I point out and scroll through all his liked posts. Vic looks and her eyes widen. "Nine hundred friends? What!" She takes the laptop from me and scrolls down further to the pictures of him holding hands with a really pretty girl. "Who's Anna?" She asks.

I groan. "I don't know." Vic clears her throat. "Well you probably have a better personality." I ignore her sad attempt at cheering me up.

She looks back onto the screen and I look at the girl's beautiful figure. In the photo James's arm is around her waist and she is holding his other hand in hers. It would be an awkward way to be casually walking with someone, but it looks like their dancing. The picture captures the light in his green eyes and his smile is radiant. Her face looks kind and happy. She is perfect- How could I compete with that?

Vic flaps the screen down a little and reaches over and hugs me. "I promise he will like you. You are beautiful." She murmurs and lets go to look at me. "You ask him to come to the pond with me and Mikey on Sunday. So it's kind of like a double date but it really isn't, if you get what I mean." I stay quiet and she speaks again - "Look, why don't you message him right now, and see what happens?"

I look at her. "What do I have to lose?" I take the laptop, see he went offline earlier. I go to messages and carefully type "Do you want to go with me and a few people to the Pond nearby Friday? Around the afternoon?" I press send and hope I knew what I was getting into.

I shut the laptop and sit straight with my eyes closed for a few seconds. When I open them back up, Vic looks at me. "You okay?" She looks up and smiles. I breathe out. "Fine."

"You don't think he'll say no, do you?" I ask, nerves starting to set in. If he says no, then that'll be kind of embarrassing. I would've gotten my hopes up for no reason. Vic shakes her head, "Of course not!"

I let out another breath, not realizing I wasn't breathing. "Will I wear normal clothes?" I ask. Vic plays with her hair, undoes the braid and then fishtails it. "How about I find you clothes and do your hair?"

I bob my head up to look at her, "Really?" I say as I smile. Vic grins back. "However," She adds. "You need to help me with Mikey."

I start to feel sick to the stomach. "What do you want me to help you with exactly?"

She plays with her hair elastic in her hand. "Well, I am planning on telling him I like him, a lot." She puts the band in her hair and I raise an eyebrow. "You mean, you love him?" I ask. She looks back up at me. "No. I meant that I like him a lot. I want to tell him that."

I still don't get this. "I've had the horrible displeasure of seeing the two of you kissing. Are you telling me that you haven't even TOLD him you like him?" I ask. What?

"Not exactly," She blushes. "We just sort of kiss."

Another knot twists in my stomach. Her and Mikey, just kissing? Because they can? "I thought you were boyfriend and girlfriend?" I ask. She shakes her head. "No. I wish but no. If you help me..? Maybe." She stops fixing her hair.

The though of her and Mikey feels all wrong. I don't know how to place it, maybe it's just that it's odd seeing to separate people that you know individually be together? If that's not why I feel this, then I don't know what it is.

I nod. "Fine. He likes the smell of lavender and loves Clone Wars."

Vic looks at me hopefully at the first part and then confused when she hears the second part. "What's a Clone War?" She asks. I open the laptop and type my password. "It's like a spinoff of Star Wars." I click refresh and wait for my page to load.

"Isn't that for dweebs?" She says. I chuckle. "You're fire, he is like ice." The page loads and I see a message from James.

My heart rate goes up. My chest is pounding and my head is buzzing. "Ll-look," I point to the screen. "Click it!" Vic squeals.

I do. The reply says: "Hello. Is one too early? Can't wait."

"Yay!" Vic cheers. "Yay..." I say less enthusiastically.

What happens when he finds out I lied?


Author's Note:

I moved to a completely different country. Continent in fact.

I'm not near my friends anymore, so I feel quite lonely at times in school. Writing this actually reminded me of them a lot, so I felt kind of secure writing this new chapter today. I feel like moving has inspired me and motivated me to write this more and more, so I will hopefully update for you guys tomorrow.

To my beautiful friends: I love you, you're all perfect, and this chapter is for you guys.