Ash (trans story)

Chapter One - Alison to Ash

I'm not that person anymore. That small mousey haired little girl who couldn't defend herself. She didn't stand up for herself or even try to protect herself, she just let shit happen to her because she felt she deserved it. She felt that there was something wrong with her, that everything bad was to punish her because of whatever was wrong with her. But I know better, I know that what happened is because people are shitty. I know there is nothing wrong with me, I know what she though was wrong with her and I am ready to defend it until I die. I know I will meet people who hate me because of who I am but that is 100% their problem, not mine.

We only just moved, so I'm starting a new school. This school never knew that girl who no longer exists. That girl is gone forever and it makes me incredibly happy, I can be myself.

It's the first day of school. I'm not ready. Technically, it's The third day of school. It's my first day of school. I know people will disagree with who I am and what I stand for but I don't care anymore, what I care about is more important.

New school, new bullies? I never really had many friends, everyone at my old school were interested in sports, alcohol, drugs and celebrities, I was more interested in science, maths and music. They never liked me, yeah I was different, but was that a reason to hate me? No, it wasn't, they hated me because I'm me and everyone hates me.

Everyone in the school has been in school together for years already, and I missed the first two days of this year. I wouldn't want to go without these added factors. The prospect of not even having one friend, or even knowing one person, I find daunting. I dread school.

I straighten my bright, blue hair to my shoulders. I apply a thick layer of eyeliner around my eyes, replacing my fringe once finished.

'Alison! Time to go!' my mum yells up to me, great.

'Jess is ready down here Alison! hurry up!' she called again, Jessica, my perfect stepsister, well she was perfect to everyone else. She got the best grades, all the boys liked her, she was popular and fitted in, she was just the perfect daughter.

I trudge downstairs. She can call her Jess yet still calls me Alison, I roll my eyes angrily.

My mum was always pretty cool about my hair, clothes and what I liked, but she never accepted me properly. I get into the back seat of the bright green beetle that my mother drove and stick in my earphones.

'Bye girls, have a good day' my mum smiles at Jessica. Ugh. My mother definitely wasn't one of the people that hated who I was she just didn't accept it, maybe because she didn't understand it or because everything was different when she was younger.

I walk into the giant school building, the reception is straight in front of me.

'I-I'm new,' I say to the plump lady behind the desk, she smiles up at me,
'Sure, love, whats your name, honey?' She beams.

Wow shes happy.

'A-Ash taylor' I say quietly. I feel panic begin ti build up inside of my and try my best to push it down, thankfully it works and I don't end up having a panic attack in the middle of the foyer less than five minutes into my first day of school.

No way would I be enrolled as Ash, I know it will be Alison. Am I ready for questioning looks when teachers read her name?

The woman looks at me, 'Alison Taylor?'

I nod sadly, great. I don't have a choice,
I'll have to correct them and hope for the best.

'Here is your timetabe, your locker is number 351 on the second floor, near the canteen. Your first class is english which is at the end of that corridor to the left,' she says smiling and pointing to the doors on the right and handing me a small stack of paper. Locker number and combination, map, class list and timetable, names of pastoral care teachers and a menu type thing for the canteen.

'Thank you,' I weakly smile at her.

I dont want to be here, I walk into the classroom and the teacher beams at me. Gosh theyre all so happy here.

'Helpe, you must be Al-'

I cut her off, 'Ash' I say loudly an; clearly before her name can be spoken, the name I have grown to hate.

'Oh, well, welcome to the class Ash, theres a seat at the back,' she turns back to the board scribbling notes about some book the class was given the day before.

I sit down in the empty seat, I look at the boy beside me. I find it difficult to look away, he is rather aesthetically pleasing, I smile to myself. He looks at me and smiles, shit he noticed.

'Hi, Ash, I'm Zach,' his voice is deep and very beautiful, he smiles a half smile at me. He has dark green eyes and light brown hair, his smile is crooked and his nose is rather large for his face but it suits him well. I can tell he has a good taste in music from his Blink shirt and smile slightly to myself.

I smile slightly and turn to face the board. That is how my day continues, quickly correcting teachers before they say her name. Zach is in three of my classes, he always sits alone, well he did until I took up the space next to him. He is beautiful though, thats probably why it confuses me so much that he was alone in all our classes. At lunch I sit in the boys bathrooms, not wanting to be tormented by other pupils.

After school Jessica is waiting for me, 'hey sis!' she shouts from the sidewalk, she knows I hate that. I can never be sure if Jessica does it to annoy me or if she actually doesn't accept who I really am, maybe she actually is one of those people who hate me for it.

I wave. 'Hi Jessica...'

My mum arrives and I quickly jump into the back seat, 'how was your day Alison?'

I mumble a response, even I am unsure of what I just said but she makes no comment.

'Make any new friends?'

'It's only the first day,' she replies to the question my mother asked me then turns to me, 'you can sit with us at lunch, if you want, Ali' Jessica says cheerily, oh gosh.

'Aw, how sweet, thank you Jessica, isn't that sweet of her Alison?' I nod and mumble a thank you before playing music through my earphones.

It is not sweet of her at all.

On the way home, I decide I will talk to Zach tomorrow, he seems like the kind of person I would like. Try and make a friend.

I sit beside him in all the classes we have together. I get very excited about this prospect then start to worry. What if he doesn't like me or has friends who don't like me? What if he isn't as nice as I think? I begin to panic over these thoughts until I remind myself that I need to calm down and not think of such silly things.

We arrive home and I immediately head upstairs to my room leaving Jessica and my mother behind me.