WARNING- this chapter is slightly triggering, so, you have been warned. It took me about a week to write this, thats why I have been slow on the update. Sorry... but anyways. here you go.
~Kellin's P.O.V~
Wow. I was not expecting this to come up. I heard Evan say something to Vic that almost made me choke on my pizza. "So, Vic, what was the last relationship you were in?" , he said. Vic stared off into space for a little bit before answering, "It was sophmore year, with this guy, Joshua. We broke up because he wanted to keep us a secret, and we never acted like a couple when we were alone. We are still friends, but he moved away in junior year. We don't talk much, though." , he said timidly. Wait a second, Vic was gay?? Holy crap, this beautiful, hispanic boy infront of me was Gay? I might have the slightest.... No. He would never go for a worthless loser like me. No one goes for a worthless loser like me.
After my pizza, I cleaned my plate, took one last sip of my drink, and went upstairs to my room without another word. I began playing my music, when a certain gorgeous being walked into my room. I shot my gaze over to him, and he said, "Uh, Hey Kellin, Uh, before I leave, I was kinda wondering if you would be up for hanging out with me some time? I think you're pretty cool.. ". His hand was rubbing the back of his neck, his head down, and his other hand in his jean pocket. Damn, he looks adorable. No. I can't give into this. I will just end up falling for him, and he will reject me like everyone else has. I can't handle another heartbreaking situation.
"Uh, n-no thank you.. I uh.. I like to keep to m-myself.. Stay introverted.. " I managed to spit the words out. It almost physically hurt me to see the frown upon his face. But what if it's fake? He's probably releived.. No one ever wants to be around me. Evan probably bribed him into try to talk to me... Ugh. I quickly turned my head back to my computer where my music was playing. "Oh.. Okay then.. Well, I'll see you around, I guess.. " , he said quietly, then walked out of my room, closing the door behind him. It's for the best, I thought to myself.
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I don't know how it happened, but i managed to slip into that state of mind where I knew I was worthless, where I knew I didn't deserve anything but pain. I was sitting on the cold bathroom floor, with my head in my hands and my knees to my chest. it was about 15 minutes after Vic had left, when i realized that everyone either hated me, or only took pity on me.
You're worthless. You deserve pain. I thought.. I knew I did. I knew that pain was the only thing that could make me stop feeling this numbing sensation. I quickly got up, wiping the tears from my eyes, and walked back into my room. I walked over to my nightstand, and removed the little plasic box in the drawer that contained my escape. I removed it from the box, and held the cold piece of metal in my hand. I remembered how it felt the last time I did this.. the cold blade opening my skin, the blood running down, I could deffinately remember.
In all honesty, it sickened me on how dependant I was on this small weapon of distruction. I hated what it turned me into, but It's who I am now, and I can't just get rid of it with a snap of my fingers. oh well. I rolled up my sleeves, revealing old scars, and new ones. I sat on my bed, and ran the blade across my skin. small beads of crimson bubbled up, and a small stinging sensation formed in my wrist. This wasn't enough for me. Soon enough, my wrists were covered in dripping blood, and 17 new cuts. I was about to put my blade back into my box, when I was stopped dead in my tracks.
~Vic's P.O.V~
I was about half way with my walk home when I remembered that I forgot my textbook in Kellin's room. I was a little overly excited with this, but I guess it's just an excuse for me to see Kellin so soon. Maybe he will change his mind about hanging out? Only one way to find out, I guess.
