The first breath of life

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I wonder what life is like after you die . Is it cold ? Is it happy or sad? Maybe it nothing.
My life has been a short painfull memory . It has its ups and drowns. Sometimes the bad moments last longer than the good ones . I've always blamed myself for what happend but sometimes I doubt myself .
It's kinda like a movie , everything is fine at first then suddenly things go straight to hell. I was born into a Christian family but I don't always see things their way . Okay , that's a stretch. I'm an atheist, I don't believe in "god". I just don't get it ,why did he create humans of we just destroy things ? And are all human being ment to live ? Theirs alot of questions the bible can't answer .
When i was young my mom used to tell me the first everything. Is the first time I did anything. Like the first breath of air . I was a healthy baby , with Brown hair , Brown eyes , and weighing at 8 pounds . I even saw a picture of me as she held me in her arms .
For some reason she didn't look happy . She looked at the camera with a bright smile but her eyes tell a different lie .
You'd expect a crying mother holding her child but my mother was different .
Maybe it was my fault , my fault that I was even born .

Authors note :
I know it's short , Sorry .
If I have any mistakes feel free to correct me . Thanks .

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