In Sickness and in Health

The Unknowing!

Nothing was clear.  The world felt foggy.  My eyesight was dwindling.  I had to narrow down the possibilities of my last few days coming soon.  I knew my day was coming and I was ready.  "Can't it just be over already!"  I thought out loud a lot.  A this point I didn't care if anyone heard me.  The butterflies were again making me sick.  Puking was my price for not fighting, I guess.  The doctors were loading me up with so many drugs to keep me out of pain.  I was as high as a kite.  My feelings tended to blow around in the wind, soaring across the ocean away from my heart. 

My parents were so attentive.  I didn't know why?  There was nothing left to be concerned about.  My life was over!  My mom, Skylar, likes to call my cancer the unknowing.  My dad, Eli, didn't care for the phrase as he knew most predictable outcomes.  Why should he believe in the "unknowing".  My dad is a brain surgeon.  He thinks he knows all.  when he was faced with the challenge of other doctors taking care of my cancer, he flipped!  He wasn't used to not knowing what to do.

My mom on the other hand was bright and uplifting.  She was a famous artist.  Her first painting ever done was for me and is hanging next to my hospital bed.  My mom had many great fans and supporters.  The only upside to that was they also supported my wish.  My wish of no treatment.
Everyone thought I was crazy, but they had no other reasons not to support me. I was only doing what I though was best for myself and, in all reality, my family. When was the last time I went outside. I thought to myself. I find myself doing that a lot. My mom likes to claim the "unknowing" was outside and it was dangerous. There was no need for me to be out there anywhere.

The "unknowing" was anything crazy or dangerous, but this was only what my mom thought. I think my dad thinks about the "unknowing" a lot. He wanted to prove her wrong. This thing she made up in head was unreal and impractical.
My life was lined with the "unknowing". What even is it? Nothing could explain the thought of it. My mom likes to think if she calls it the "unknowing" the cancer will be nonexistent. When in all reality nothing will drive the cancer away. I don't think route six likes cancer. Sometimes I like to look at it as the "unknowing", but only when I have to get chemo or needles in general. Chemo scares me. It makes me nauseous and afraid. At one point of chemo I ripped the needle straight out of my arm. It was painful and the chemo juice (as I like to call it) squirted everywhere. No one made a fuss. Who would bother the girl with stage four, incurable, lung cancer.

At ten most kids at ten are out playing at recess or at the park, not strapped up to oxygen to help them breath. The coughing and wheezing would also not be preferred.