I still loved her. Yes, after her death, I still longed for her presence. I saw her face once. I wanted to see it one million times. I wanted to love her forever and never let her go. Everyone thinks I am back to normal at the BAU, and I want them to believe I am, but I’m not. I feel empty when I go home, I feel as if she should be waiting for me there. No, I wish she was waiting there for me. Maeve was perfect, we were perfect… why did she have to… die?
“Hey genius, let’s go to dinner!” Garcia shouted as she walked in hand in hand with Morgan. I smiled. That should’ve been Maeve and I there, holding hands. I tried to push the thought out of my head, but I couldn’t. We could’ve been so perfect.
“Um, sorry guys, I can’t. I’m actually taking the long weekend to see my mom in Vegas.” I walked towards them to get to the door.
“Get some loving!” Morgan said. I saw Garcia nudge him. She shot him a look that read: too soon.
“Beat some guys at poker!” Morgan covered quickly.
“Yeah, sure, I will.” I lied. I wasn’t going to Vegas.
I walked out and pushed the down button in the elevator. When the doors opened, I saw Prentiss. She had recently returned to the BAU in place of Alex Blake who has quit to go teach at a university.
“Reid! Just the man I was looking for! Morgan, Garcia, JJ and I are heading out to your favorite Chinese place. Want to come?” I shook my head lightly.
“I am off to Vegas.” She looked surprised.
“How’s your mom doing?” I nodded.
“She’s fine but she really misses me, so I am going to visit.” The elevator clicked open again. I was getting out, she was going up to our floor to meet Garcia, JJ, and Morgan.
“Bye Reid!” She said behind me. Yeah, bye. I said mentally back.
The only thing was that I wasn’t heading off to Vegas. I drove out of Quantico and I hit a red light. I leaned my head back on the seat head rest and closed my eyes. “I would have…” I just kept thinking to myself. I would have…
When I reached my destination, I was alone. Maeve’s parents weren’t there, as they usually had been, but there were flowers. I smiled, they were orange, I always imagined Maeve in a orangey colored top, flowing free.
“Hey, Maeve,” I looked down at her nameplate. Her grave was right next to a shady oak tree. I picked out the spot. I knew she would want something peaceful and unnoticed. “Hey Spence,” I thought I heard her say back to me.
“I miss you.” My voice cracked in that girlish immature way. I sighed. “I thought this feeling would go away…” I shed a tear but quickly wiped it away.
I closed my eyes. There she was. I saw her standing in orange, holding her hands together awkwardly. I smiled. “I missed you too. Now I can finally see you.” She said.
“I knew I would find you here.” I opened my eyes and found Emily.
“Sorry, I was just leaving.” I said as I got up.
“Reid, sit down.” I sat back down on the grass next to Maeve’s headstone and Emily joined me.
“You weren’t really going to Vegas…” She let the last words slide off.
“No,” I breathed.
“She was beautiful.” Emily said. “JJ showed me the pictures Dianne Turner sent you.” I nodded slowly.
“She was beautiful…” Was… was… was… the operative word.
Emily put her hand on my shoulder. “Spencer, no one expects you to bounce back. Mourn, it’s okay.” I closed my eyes for a couple seconds.
“When you died, how long did it take you?” She pursed her lips.
“I still mourn. I have nightmares about Morgan holding my hands, telling me to squeeze his hand. Let me go I said, as if he would. I was lying there with a wooden table leg in my chest. He knew I might not make it, and when we go into the field, we all have to be prepared for that. We can’t always save everyone.”
“We should have saved her.” Emily nodded.
“She is happy now.” I shook my head.
“She would have been happier here, with me. I still have the nightmares.”
“They don’t go away…” She said quietly. “… at least they haven’t yet for me.”
“I miss her.” I turned to Emily and another tear rolled down my cheek. She pulled me in for a hug and I didn’t resist.
“I know, Spencer, I know.”
“This job, it just isn’t easy anymore.” I whispered.
“It’s not supposed to be. This job will tear you apart if you let it, just don’t let it.” Emily looked at me and smiled. “Just remember that she is looking down on you.”
I nodded. “It’s… just…hard.” She pursed her lips again.
“I know.” She breathed as she stood up. “Do you want to go get some dinner?” I nodded. She walked away before me, but I stayed behind and took out a piece of paper from my pocket and placed it under the flowers so it wouldn’t blow away.
I walked away and gave one last nod to Maeve.
***3rd person point of view***
As Reid walked away, the note that was folded only once blew open. The note read:
I would have
…
