***Reid’s point of view***
“Reid! My Man, I thought you were headed off to Vegas.” Morgan laughed.
“Prentiss changed my mind.” I nodded to her. I hoped she wouldn’t say anything.
She shook her head easily as if to tell me she wouldn’t tell them. “Wasn’t that hard, maybe you guys should try harder next time instead of leaving all the work for me.” She scoffed.
“All the work? I thought you said it wasn’t that hard…” Morgan mocked her. She laughed and we headed in our SUV’s to the restaurant.
The night was fairly easy, but when I got home, that was a whole other story. I fell asleep on my couch and before I knew it, my nightmares came back again.
“Thomas Merton is the one thing you can never take from us…” Maeve said, her beautiful voice giving me Goosebumps.
“No,” Dianne sobbed. Bang… bang… bang… I hear it over and over and over until I find myself on my knees sobbing. I walked over to Maeve’s body which was engulfed by a pool of blood. I reached for her small hand that was stuck at her side and grabbed hold of it. It was still warm. Maeve was still warm. She still had some existence of life in her that yearned to see me. I was kneeling in her blood and my tears were spilling on her. I wanted to pick Maeve up and carry her away, to take her somewhere where we would both live; I wanted to be with her, wherever that was.
“Reid,” Hotch whispered when the coroner came. He and Morgan had to rip me away from her body; I was squeezing her hand so tight I thought it might break. She wouldn’t be able to feel it though. When Morgan finally took his hands off me I dragged myself to a corner and sat there, my hands wrapped around my knees. I sobbed into my arms and I wanted no one to come and sit next to me. I wanted them all to leave.
I heard someone sit next to me, my guess was JJ and I was right. “Reid, let’s get you home to change.” She was referring to my blood soaked clothes. I shook my head and she put her hand on my shoulder.
“Go away,” I mumbled. She didn’t leave. From there, I broke down.
“Go away!” I finally mustered up enough voice to shout. Morgan grabbed JJ and led her out.
“Go away, go away, go away, go away,” I just kept mumbling. I must have been sobbing there for hours, because when Hotch finally came for me, it was sunny out… such a beautiful following for such a horrible tragedy.
Hotch also, like JJ, placed his hands on my shoulders. I shrugged away his hands and climbed into one of the SUV’s. I didn’t care that I was bloody. I wasn’t thinking about that. All I cared about was when will I see her again? Why did she have to die? Why couldn’t I have been killed instead? Why just why? Rossi drove me home and I asked him to let me walk myself in alone. He respected my choice and left. I didn’t go inside. I sat on the curb and sobbed some more. I felt like my heart had just been stabbed, but yet, I was the one still here, not her.
My sudden urge to go inside is what finally got me up off the curb. When I opened my door, I reached for the Thomas Merton book she gave me on the shelf and opened it to the first page. “Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another.”
Yes, this is true, but now I am afraid of one thing. I will never know the true meaning of love or life or destiny.
When i awoke, it was a sunny day, and I felt hideous from my nightmare. I hate the vivid ones; they make me want to go to Maeve even more. My phone buzzed. Another day at the BAU. I don’t know how many more of these days I can take.
