Stowaway Harold

Harold's Last Stand

It went the way it always did in my worst nightmares.  I was sitting in biology class, in front of the fetal pig fridge, and behind the kid who wore too much black and smelled like smoke and disappointment. We were learning about the "diversity of life", a subject I am quite interested in, when Mr. Hicks asked the class if anyone could identify the aspects of an animal that separated the ectotherms from the endotherms.  I could do this.  I knew it.  Mr. Hicks knew it.  Hell, the entire class knew that I knew the distinction.  I'm a nerd.  Not necessarily the type who sits in the corner picking his nose and sculpting the mucus into Star Wars characters, but the type who is known to be smart.  I am the guy who everyone is best buddies with when it comes time to "partner up", but am forgotten the other 98.6% of the time.  Off topic, I apologize, back to the nightmare.  I raised my hand, as I often do, to answer the question, when from the front right corner of the room, 5 chairs up and 3 chairs over, I see her.  Ferra Forbes.  She's the kind of girl you see in your grade 9 gym class, and decide you're in love.  I use you loosely here, of course, because i'm talking about me.  She is everything I could ever want, she's brilliant, blonde, and beautiful utterly beyond compare [it can be noted I did attempt to compare her beauty to some things in a short poem I wrote for her last year, titled "As Beautiful As..."].

[ARCHIVAL INFORMATION: 1 Poem]

As Beautiful As...

By Harold S.

As beautiful as the andromeda, piercing the depths of space,

As beautiful as history, every single time and place,

As beautiful as the ocean tide, sweeping out and in,

As beautiful as the planet earth, on axles set to spin.

She thought it was cute, but proceeded to use it as a napkin to wipe some ketchup off her perfect face...  My point being, that I am in love with Ferra.  I have been for three years, two months, and twenty-two days.  It is on this day that I caught her eye as I was called to the front of the class.  Her deep sparkling blue eyes bid me "come hither".  I felt as though I floated from my desk to the board at the front of the room.  All eyes were on me.  Even Ferra's gaze met mine.  That's when it happened.  Somewhere in the middle of my explanation of the differences between amniotes and anamniotes.  I got an erection.  Not just a small "popping in to say hello", half-mast erection, but a big one.  Maybe it was the adrenaline of addressing the entire room, or, more likely, just the fact that Ferra was chewing gum between her soft pink lips, and staring intently at me from her seat.  The attention of my peers slowly shifted from my stammering mouth down to the protuberance in my pants.  It started with one snicker from the kitten-kicking, smoking, life-ruining, son of a bitch who sat near me, and quickly erupted into full-blown laughter.  I froze.  I had no clue what to do.  I told myself I shouldn't look to see Ferra's reaction.  I knew it would only further tear my heart into countless shreds.  Despite my best efforts, I ripped my head from staring firmly into space to see her sitting there, angel-like, smiling seductively at me.  I think she winked.  Oh god.  She winked at me.  After running out of the room, so quickly I knocked over two microscopes, and slammed my hand into the corner of a cold black lab bench, I made an important discovery.      

[ARCHIVAL INFORMATION: 1 Receipt for 2 Microscopes]

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Sansom,

I regret to inform you that Harold has had an incident in class today,

resulting in the breaking of two classroom microscopes.  We will

have to charge you $200 for the damages [each].

Thank-you for your understanding in the matter,

and your assistance in helping our students in the pursuit of science.

-Theodore Hicks

I had but only two conclusions that could be made from my horrific ordeal...  Ferra Forbes had seen the crude outline of my genitals in my Levi's jeans AND she must be in love with me too.  It was time her and I had a talk.