Everyday Was A Mystery Till I Met You

Day 2

Today went by as if no one could see or feel the pain in my voice. People believe all of the "im fines" when in reality im not. Everyday it feels like my heart is being ripped out piece by piece as I get darker and shallower. Each day goes by and people forget about me more and more. Then there's him, he's always there. I can tell him anything without judgement, I feel like crying he sits there holding me until I stop crying reassuring me it'll be okay but we all know it wont. He is my best friend. I think I love him. He is why I feel the littlest bit happy. He sees straight through my lies and just hugs me or grabs me off to the side making sure im okay.

I feel as if im done yet again. I want to cut, remembering the feeling of relief with each one. As if it was releasing stress. Somehow it made me happy. Yet thatd only last for those short moments. I looked at my scissors with sorrow in my eyes knowing ill screw my body up even more. The cuts mayve left little scars from before but if I start again I think these will be worse. This is the day I said as I went to the top drawer in my dresser. I grabbed out a pipe and some marjuana, I contemplated if this would be a good or bad result I wasn't quite sure......but hey, why not its not called an "escape" drug for nothing. Thats when I took a hit thats when I felt better. Everything disappeared for those hours which felt so short. I knew I would never do it again for it could damage me, I could've cut being high without a second thought. I gave up and fell asleep.

I woke up this morning feeling horrible, what had I done. I regretted it instantaneously. It hadn't helped. "Thanks for the escape plan..." I silently whispered to myself thinking I was crazy. The pain was still there, the thought, the images of everyone's faces when they look at me. Making me feel like a disgrace, I think its just the whole problem with my body I say to myself. Maybe I already fucked it up to much and its to late....... everyone already knows im a screw up. Why do I even still try....... maybe its the thought that it will get better. I paint my nails hoping someone will notice, I get my hair cut to look nicer, I get clothes to look better but no one notices they just glare as if im a lonely sad dog that no one wants at a pound. Thats when it starts hurting even more. The images, so much, their faces full of disgust.

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Dear readers,
No matter what bullying is a bad thing, it can physically hurt someone and harm themselves. Think about what you say to others! When someone cuts they aren't an "attention whore" they need help, maybe your the cause of them cutting. Think about it! Dont bully people, please, it isnt fun and you aren't cool when you do it. Who cares what your friend says about you, you could be living a great life but killing someone else. Thank you for reading this letter!

I also know this is kind of depressing, im sorry about that.... plus this is a crap chapter. Just wait and see if Alexandrea will get better!