Hater high

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I stood there looking at myself in my bathroom mirror. I hated myself. All those things people call me, they're right. I was nothing special, not even close, and yeah my parents might have been better off if they just abandoned me onto someone's front steps. My favorite would probably be that I don't deserve to be living and I'd have to say they are right, but here I am, secrets and all just staring into a mirror wanting to yell and scream at the person looking back at me. The better question might be why though, why did I let my world come crashing down, why didn't I try harder, and why did I do something that I can never take back?

My eyes flicker to my razor that's resting in the shower. The thought crosses my mind for a brief second before passing. I may hate myself, but I'm not into that whole selfharm shit. Instead I pop my headphones in and made my way to school, or better called, my well deserved prison. It was my senior year, what was suposse to be one of the best years of my life, ha if people only knew. My life changed so much this last year, more than it did my freshman year when my best friend dumped my sorry ass to be popular. But that was four years ago and I'm over that. I have new friends now, ones that know most of the truth.

I got lost once again staring at myself with hate in my mirror that I have in my locker. I wished so much that I could just punch it and smash it into a million pieces, but I knew that wouldn't fix the problem, nothing could, what I did can never be undone.

"Hey Sam! What's up?" Jay yelled apearing behind me. If I wasn't looking in my mirror he probably could have snuck up on me.

"Hey Jay." I gave him my best smile. It was little but he knew that was the best he would get out of me. He was one of the three friends I have. The other two are Siva and a girl named Avery.

Before Jay could say something else the popular group found us, I guess it was time for my daily reminder that I really shouldn't be living.

"Well what do we have here, if it isn't little miss pathetic and her gay boyfriend" Ryder, the leader of the popular group laughed. Bentely, his right hand man high fived him. My eyes weren't on him though, they were stuck on the one person that helped riun my life, that left me with nothing, the person that because of them I made the biggest mistake of my life, Nathan Sykes. He was standing there in the back with his friends Tom and Max. He was acting like i wasn't even there, that is wasn't me, his former best friend that Ryder was trashing.

"I'm not gay and leave her alone." Jay warned Ryder. Jay is the sweetest person ever but if you piss him off he isn't afraid to whip your ass.

"Or what? you'll go tell your mommy on me? I'm soo scared." Ryder mocked him. Jay's mom was the coach of the boys' soccer team here, which surprised most people because one, she is a women and two Jay can't play for the life of him. "Or better yet you'll go tell the principle that I'm bullying you. Who you think he is going to believe a looser gay that hangs out with a girl who would be better of dead or me, his son." Yeah that part sucks the most. The principle of this place just happens to be Ryder's father which is why he rules the school and get's away with everything.

"Yeah what's going on here?" Siva said as he joined us.

"Nothing shemale. Just reminding your friends here were their places are. You know like your is living in that stinky old shoe." Ryder said to Siva before leaving. For some reason Ryder is a bit intimidated of Siva, it might have something to do with his dad being a cop, yeah he's busted me a few times this past year. That doesn't stop Ryder and his gang from making his life a living hell. Siva has eight brothers and sisters and that's Ryder's favorite thing to twist against him along hith Siva's good checkbones that Ryder says make him look feminen.

"You guys ok?" Siva asked us. I didn't hear Jays answer because I was too busy watching Ryder's gang leave. My eyes were glued on one person in that crowd, the same person that was hasn't given me the time of day since, I didn't even want to think of it. "Well let's get to class before we're late." Siva continued. Jay and I agreed with him and they started to leave. I turn back to my locker to see myself once again in the mirror and couldn't help but to think that everything Ryder said about me was right. He thought he was bullying me, but in reality he was just telling me things that I believe myself.

"Sam you coming?" Jay asked turning around to look at me.

"Yeah." I told him struggling to rip my eyes away from the that person in the mirror that I hate so much. Once I finally was able to look away I closed my locker not even bothering to get the stuff out of it that I originally went to get, and joined up with the boys.

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