Chapter 2: Infatuation
It was another tear that fell down my face, onto the pillow, that woke me up. I stayed laid down on my back, my bare chest rising and falling rapidly thinking about last night. I should've gone through with it. She knows something is up now, and I don't know how much longer I can keep this whole charade up. I got up, sitting on the side of the bed with my face in my hands. I let out another quiet sob before pounding my fists on the sides of my head.
You have to deal with this. Suck it up.
I thought to myself, knowing I really can't do anything about it. I took a breath in through my nose and out my mouth, trying to calm myself down. Pulling at my hair, I sobbed through clenched teeth, angrily getting up and slamming my fist into the dry wall. I grabbed my hand, holding it to my chest, clenching it with pain.
"Fuck." I whispered to myself, the pain overwhelming.
When I turned back around, the presence of a little girl startled me.
"Hawey? What's wrong, Hawey?" she said, bringing her little feet across the floor until she was standing beside my bed. I nonchalantly wiped under my eyes, so the evidence that I was crying was no longer there. I knelt down to her, smiling.
"Nothing baby, go back to bed, everything's okay." I said, the smile still plastered on my face. I watched as her eyes glanced at the wall beside her, the prominent cracks showing that weren't there the day before. She then looked down at my hand, which had cuts filled with blood on the knuckles.
"Hawey!", she shouted, taking my large, bloody hand with her two small hands gasping. She pulled me out of my room, telling me to sit on the couch.
"Stay here, I'm gunna go get somefing to wipe your hand." she said, scolding me before heading to the kitchen. I smiled at her, laughs leaving my mouth at her mature actions. She's only six, how would she know what to do in such a situation?
She came back with three bandages and a wet towel, climbing her way up on the couch to sit next to me. She took my hand, wiping it down before putting the bandages on each of my cuts. She then kissed each of them, putting my hand back in my lap.
"All better!", she said, smiling up at me. I smiled back at her, getting up to sit on my knees in front of her, so we were the same height.
"Thank you, Libby." I said, smiling. "Now, because you were such a good girl, do you want me to take you to the park today?" I said, as her face began to light up.
"Yes. yes!! Thank you!" She said, wrapping her arms around my neck, taking me in a tight embrace. I laughed, wrapping my large arms around her little body.
"Okay then, you need to go get dressed. Come to my room when you're ready!" I said, watching her run off to her room.
I put on my clothes, and picked out a flower crown filled with pink daises from the shoe box and carefully placed it on my head, making sure not to break any of the petals. I smiled, remembering how I specifically picked the pink daisies and placed them in my basket, careful not to pick any with bent petals. Thank God my mom never goes in the backyard, or she would know about my special hobby. I pulled my hoodie over my head, sure to cover right over the crown.
****
"Hawey come and swing me!" Libby yelled from the swing sets, I smiled at her, getting up from the bench and making my way over to the play ground. I placed my hand on the small of her back, pushing her forward.
"Hawey, why can't I tell Mommy about your flower crowns?", she asked, the smile on my face fading. I made sure that I wasn't facing her, so that she wouldn't see my sudden change in emotion.
"Because it would make her sad." I replied, continuing to push her back and forth on the swing.
"Why would it make her sad?", she asked again, her head straight forward.
"Because, Libby, she doesn't understand me. Don't worry about it, I'll keep making you crowns as long as you don't tell her." I said, trying to lighten the mood.
