Keeping secrets for me has always been easy. I have a few deep secrets of my own. Secrets that only come out at night, to play with the monsters and ghouls that reside in my mind.
~~~
Kisses force their way onto my lips, and your hands are rough against my sides. I let you do the deed, your heavy panting meeting my ear. When you finish, you roll off of me and I gather up my clothes, putting them on as you dig through your wallet. You drop a 20 on the bed and I quickly snatch it up before you can change your mind. I slip it in my bra and slid out the door, closing it quietly behind me. I walk past the motel clerk and back out onto the highway, my Converse soaking up the water in the puddles I don’t bother to avoid.
~~~
I curl up next to you, the tattered blanket offering little protection from the Oregon rain and wind. You wrap your arms around my waist, and nuzzle your head in my neck. I close my eyes and imagine you are him, we are in my warm bed, and I haven’t ruined everything.
When I awake, you and your blanket are gone, and I am left alone, just like last time. A tear slips out of my eye and I get up, heading to the soup kitchen.
~~~
I sit on a street corner, having spent $1.25 on a small black coffee for the privilege of the wet chair. Tears spill into my coffee as I think of our first date. You had taken me to a play, and we had sat there, not touching. I had fallen in love with you that night, with your laugh and your smile, with your eyes. I had wanted you to grab my hand, and to hold me close and kiss me good night. But you hadn’t and I was secretly glad, because you and I had the greatest start ever that night.
