You ask me where I am going as I climb up into your cab. I tell you anywhere, so long as I am out of the rain. Your cab smells musty, like dirty old man and sex. I resist wrinkling my nose as I drop myself into the seat. It is the most comfortable seat I’ve sat in for a while. I tell you I’m 20 for a straight lay, 30 for anything kinky, and an extra 5 if you want me to suck you off. You look over at me and smile, telling me you know exactly where to take me.
We pull into a dingy motel, just like every other dingy motel, where I am sure the rats come out to play with the cockroaches at night. You don’t say a word or look at me as you climb out of the cab, and I open my door, following suit. You pay $20 for the hour and we climb the stairs to room B8.
~~~
I am curled up, someone knocking on the door, shouting at me to get out, that my hour is up. You left $40 in front of my face, but I don’t even want to touch it. It hurts to breathe. You started off biting me, hard enough to draw blood. I tried to scream for help, thrashing desperately, but you slammed a hand over my mouth, pinning my body down with yours. You tore at my skin, and when you were done, I asked for my money. You hit me then, hard. Then again. I tried to hit you and you caught my hand, twisting my arm until something snapped. I cried out in pain and fell to the ground. You kicked me until I lost count. The pounding on the door continues. I cry and reach out, grabbing the two 20 dollar bills. I grit my teeth and stand slowly. I go to the door, and open it up, pushing grimly past the manager, who is shouting at me that I owe him money. I drop one of the 20’s on the floor and continue walking, my mind on thoughts of you.
~~~
I walk aimlessly, subconsciously heading to where I know I can score. I want out of my head desperately. Behind me someone is calling my name and I turn. I had you the rest of my money and you pass me a bag of green. It looks short but I know better than to say so. I find an empty park and sit down, loading my pipe between my legs. And I know I shouldn’t because I know how much you never liked it, but I can’t keep thinking so I lift the pipe to my lips and inhale deeply, thoughts of you floating out on the smoke.
~~~
I wake alone, and memories flood back. Things didn’t start falling apart until I cheated on you. I know this and I reach for my pipe again. You walk up past me, giving me a snide look. I can read your features. You think I am disgusting. You think I am a mess. And I can do nothing but agree with you. You walk on the far side of the sidewalk, glaring at me the whole time.
I try to breathe but suddenly I am choking on air. My heart is pounding and my vision is blurry and you are in front of me, telling me to breathe. Your warm hands are on my cold face and I am looking into your green eyes again. You get close to me until I see is you. I read your lips and you are telling me to breathe deeply, inhale, hold it, exhale, and repeat. You are breathing with me and I wake up on a couch in a warm apartment.
~~~
I sit up and I can hear you in the kitchen. Water is running and I am covered in a soft, red blanket. I push it away and pad barefoot into the kitchen. I sit at the breakfast bar. You are facing away from me but your brown hair is tickling the back of your collar and I smile.
You tell me good morning, your voice is gruff. You tell me you found me in a park, passed out on a bench, so you woke me and brought me back here. You tell me I am downtown. You place eggs and bacon in front of me and tell me that you hope I’m not a vegetarian. I smile at you and your green eyes sparkle. I ask you for some coffee and you silently get it for me, preparing it with the perfect amount of sugar and cream. And I wonder how you know that coz only he knew that.
