Truly, Madly, Deeply

Chapter Seven

2 days!

2 days until Harry is back in the UK and we can tell our families the big news. I'm excited to let them know, but I'm worried what they will all say. I think Louis will be happy but also annoyed because I'm only 18.

Today I had a photo shoot. I had to be there at 9am and it literally took all day. I finally got home at 7!

3 days ago I started having morning sickness, I hate it already. No one likes being sick but to be sick every day after you wake up, let's just say it's not exactly ideal. When I told Harry about this, he started fussing and told me to go to the doctors. I told him he was being stupid and that it's what happens when your pregnant, but he just wouldn't stop!

Whenever I was sick, it alway reminded me of when I had Bulimia. it brought back horrible memories and for the past few days, I would cry every time it happened. When I told Harry about how it reminded me of my past, he was even more adamant to get me to go to the doctors. He said maybe we could get some medication for me to stop being sick because if the horrible memories it brought with it.

I ran a nice hot bath and spent an entire hour in it after eating my dinner. I got out of the bath at about 9 and went straight to bed. Today has been a really long day.

*****

When I woke up, I couldn't help but smile knowing that this was going to be the last day on my own before Harry finally comes home. I woke up to a text message from Harry sent 3 hours ago.

From: Harry

1 Day!! 1 day until I get to see your beautiful face again. I hope you're feeling okay. Text me when you wake up and I'll call you tomorrow. I love you xxxxxx

I was about to text Harry back, but my stomach seemed to have different ideas.

After I had finished being sick. I text my friend Anna to see if she was free to meet up for lunch.

I met Anna when Louis took me to a group meeting at the hospital about Bulimia. Everybody there had the same thing, which made me feel better. Anna suffered from Bulimia for 2 years. She was the first person I spoke to at the meeting probably because we are the same age. When she first told me she had it for 2 years, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. I only had it for a year and that was too much.

Louis had arranged for me to go to the meetings and he promised he would always take me and he never missed a one. He honestly is the best big brother anyone could ever ask for. I owe a lot to him.

We arranged to meet up at 1pm which gave me 3 hours to get ready. I was unsure whether to try to eat anything for breakfast because I had already been sick, but tried it anyway. I was about to start eating my cereal when I felt the familiar feeling of needing to be sick. I ran for the bathroom and brought everything up until my stomach felt like it had absolutely nothing left. I started to cry again remembering how I felt when I would bring all of my food up so that I wouldn't put any weight on.

That's another reason why I'm so nervous about being pregnant because I'm gonna put on a lot of weight and I'm nervous in case I start to get really conscious. I have always been conscious of my weight and probably always will be, just like most girls. But I'm more conscious of it than other girls because of my past.

I always felt so worthless, fat and ugly. People at school would always say how skinny they were and how I was one or two dress sizes bigger than them. They never said it in a mean way, they were my friends, they were just stating facts because I was a bigger size than them. That's the reason why I started. I felt like no one would ever like me the way I am, especially boys. There was this one guy at school that I had always had a crush on called Jonah, but he even made me feel ugly. He had asked me on a date, but ended up changing his mind.