I was 14.
Thoughts built in reverse.
Rewinding, rewinding, I finally see it chronologically.
7 year old body, 9 year old body, 11 year old body, I have only my body to show.
Only my body to display.
Escorting labeled "do what you gotta do".
Light h...
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"Jason, are you tryna tell me that your straight? Oh my god are you 13? Is homeboy still finding himself?" I mock, pizza in hand.
"Well, Darius, sorry that I don't got life figured the fuck out. Imma just do what I want and see where that takes me, and shit, it brought me to your Latino ass so I guess I'm doin' something right." He smiles, two dimples bookmarks for his smile, then seriously looks at my face, steadily observing, collecting. After he finds nothing, except the wrinkle probably present next to my right nostril, he retreats into his habitual light hearted tone. "So, how did you find out?" He asks, staring cynically.
"I knew before I could comprehend what gay was. If you're asking what was my first feeling of romantic love with a guy, 'cause you know I've been ho for a minute, it was when I came to you crying that day, ya remember? The guy slapped me when I asked for the money and threatened to kill me if I said shit. Yo dumb ass was over here steaming, yelling, 'what this motherfucker do to you', and I was just in the corner crying my eyes out. Damn it was so bad. I was a little bitch that day, wasn't I? I layed there and kept on asking you if I was going to hell. You kissed me, and I let the rest happen. You sure was lucky that day, 700+ dollars worth of merchandise for free."
As I recounted the story I felt as if warm water was rising from the floor. Gradually enveloping legs, arms, I felt like stable fixed heart, like eyes closed, like saliva in mouth. I felt like wanted actually meant happy. I gave a open smile to him.
"I remember. Especially the part when I told you 'why you watering the floor for, yo' salty ass tears gonna ruin-' and you interrupted me by kissing me back. That is before you murmured shut up. It was raining that day, and you used my shirt since you were all soaked. That shit was hot as fuck" he says recalling the memory with a smile.
"You were doing so good then you had to fuck it up with that last line. Thanks for getting me out of the moment Jason." I teased as I got up to head out the door. "What does Mr. Romantic have in store for me?" I say back turned, laughing.
"You best take that down three notches or you'll be over here paying for your half eaten pizza" he shouts after me.
