First Kiss, Last Kiss [Destiel]

Chapter 3

Cas knows it's only a matter of time until the demon comes back, and he'll taunt Cas for a while, before leaving him with an even more broken Dean. Cas waits for the worst and braces himself. He waits, and nothing happens till morning.

When the sun streams in the motel room window, Dean's eyes open. Well, not 'Dean's'.

Cas looks down and his smile fades, he wipes away the evidence of the dry tears from last night.

"Morning, Cas." He sits up and stretches, yawning loudly. That's what Dean used to do.

"I'll do what you ask, just don't rip anymore from him. You've taken enough."

"Lets get to the point, shall we?" He says sarcastically. "C'mon. I just woke up. Lets go get some breakfast."

"Fine." Cas follows 'Dean' out if the motel room and into the impala. He stays silent the whole car ride to the diner. Cas knows that Dean would flip out if he saw 'Deanmon' driving baby. Then again, who knows if Dean would even care now?

"Who are you really? Are you just a stray demon that hitched a ride on Dean and decided to take him when the time was right, or did you originate from Dean?" Cas asks when they are about to pull into the parking lot of the diner.

Dean pulls out the keys and turns to look at Cas. "I'm Dean. I'm just the hell-bent half of his soul. He's in the in between stage of becoming a demon, so we share his body. It does a toll on his brains, though." He laughs. "He's getting a little scrambled up there."

He grumbles. "You heard what happened last night too didn't you?" He gets out of the car.

Dean gets out his side. "Of course. I'm watching. I'm listening." He mocks Dean.

Castiel walks into the diner and sits at a table. Dean sits down across from him. They order their food, and then the demon looks at him. "Wouldn't it be fun to let Dean out in public?"

"Don't. They'll send him away and with you suppressing me I won't be able to get him out. And it won't be much fun for you would it?" He tilts his head and smiles slightly.

Dean sighs. "I guess you're right." He takes a sip of his drink. "Besides, this'll just give me more time to tear at his sanity. He reminds me of a scared puppy. How about you?"

"No, more of you when he was able to suppress you before this happened." Cas folds his hands and leans back against the booth.

"You've been learning how to 'sass' from these humans, huh?" He takes a bite of the food that was set on the table.

"I've learned a thing or two."

They eat the rest of the meal in silence. Cas is giving him a death stare the whole time.

"You are so boring." He snaps his fingers, and they're back in the motel room.

Cas glances around the motel room. "That was quick. You're bored?"

"Well, and your little Dean is being a pest. He's begging to get out. Screaming about something to do with souls and torture. I don't know what he's going on about."

"He's just remembering what he did in hell." Cas growls.

"Oh that's right." He sits down on the bed. "Wanna know what else he talks about?"

"Okay." Cas says through gritted teeth and sits next to him on the bed.

"You. Your eyes, your hair, your body." Dean pauses and looks at Cas with disgust. "Even your stupid coat."

"Me?" Cas asks, dumbfounded.

"You're all the little brat thinks about." Dean rolls his eyes. "Well, he's about to start crying again, so why don't I let him out?"

"Okay." Cas whispers. Part of him didn't want Dean to come out. He didn't want to see the broken man. But, he needed to be there for him. He loved him.

Dean sighs and closes his eyes. Dean's body falls onto Cas.

Dean's eyes open quickly and he sits up straight. Immediately, he hides under the blankets. Cas can see the ball under the sheets trembling.

"Dean?" Cas looks under the sheets.

Dean hides from Cas, he covers his face up with his hands.

"Dean it's ok, it's me, Castiel." He points to himself.

Dean slowly crawls out from under the sheets. His whole body is still shaking.

"Come here, I won't hurt you." Cas opens his arms.

Dean presses his trembling body against Castiel's. He lets Cas wrap his arms around him. Cas lets his coat wrap around Dean. Castiel's shirt is soon drenched with Dean's tears. He doesn't say a word, and Cas wonders if he can even still speak.

"Uh, Dean? Can you still speak?" He waits for a response

Dean doesn't look up. He just tightens his grip on Cas.

Cas slumps, so he took his ability to talk...at least if he gets out in public he won't seem so psychotic.

"Cas." Dean whispers quietly, glancing up at Cas with fear in his green eyes.

"Yes?" Cas whispers.

"He'll hear us if we talk too loud. He doesn't like you. He's going to hurt you. He's going to hurt you."

"He won't-" Castiel swallows hard, "I won't let him, I promised you." He whispers back.

Dean nods and lays his head down into Cas' lap. His body hadn't stopped shaking the whole time.

"It'll be fine." Cas lets Dean fumble with the belt from his jacket.

Dean suddenly stops, and looks up at Cas with panic stricken eyes. "Kill me."

"Dean, you know I can't do that..." Cas says sadly, looking down at Dean.

"Kill me!" Dean screams. His voice sounds like sand paper.

"No, I won't!" Cas accidentally raises his voice, and the room shakes.

Dean cowers and scrambles away from Cas. He falls off of the bed and curls up on the floor.

"Dean, I'm sorry I didn't mean to raise my voice." Cas crouches in front of Dean.

Dean pushes himself farther into the corner, away from Cas. His face is flushed, and his eyes are blood-shot. He doesn't look at Cas, instead he begins to scratch at his skin, drawing blood.

"Dean, don't do that." Cas steps closer to Dean.

Dean doesn't stop. He just tries to get away from Cas. He turns his head and closes his eyes.

Cas hugs Dean from behind. "Please stop, I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout."

Dean tries to crawl away. He gets out of Castiel's grasp, and scrambles to the other corner. He continues scratching at his skin, and now there's blood dripping onto the floor of the motel room.

Cas looks at Dean and sits in the corner, watching Dean scratch at his skin.

Dean's fingertips are now bloody, and his arm is bleeding profusely. He moves his hands to his face, and begins scratching at the skin there.

Cas covers his eyes, he couldn't go anywhere near Dean without making it worse. "I'm sorry, Dean."

Dean stops moving and looks at Cas. "Cas." He whimpers and curls himself into a tighter ball, not looking away from Castiel.

Cas doesn't look up.

"Help, Cas." Dean says a little louder. He begins rocking back and forth.

Cas looks up and walks towards Dean. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Dean holds completely still as Castiel approaches him. He doesn't try to move away.

Cas looks at Dean and crouches next to him.

Dean's eyes follow Cas down next to him. He stays still, waiting for Cas to touch him. He wasn't sure if he would hurt him.

Cas puts a hand on Deans arm gently and turns it over showing the scratches.

Dean takes a shaky breath and glances at his scratches. They're still bleeding.

"Don't scratch, it'll hurt more." Cas lightly wipes away the blood.

Dean winces, but doesn't pull his arm away. "It's the only way." He whispers.

"No it's not, just uh, just breath in and out slowly." Cas motions breathing in and out.

Dean breaths in deep, and then pushes out the air quickly, causing him to cough.

"Not to quick, but slowly." Cas demonstrates again, but Dean isn't watching.

"He's still there." Dean begins to fidjit again. "It didn't work." His eyes dart around the room.

"It will," Cas says reassuringly, "just keep practicing.

"No! It won't. He's there. He's still there." Dean's nails dig at the skin on his neck. "I need to get him out."

"Dean stop." Cas grabs Deans hand.

Dean whips his head from side to side. "Get him out!" He yells, "Get him out!"

"Dean, calm down." Cas' eyes fill up with tears. He couldn't watch this anymore.

Dean starts to kick his legs. "Help me! Get him out. He's in there." He breathing quickens. "Get out!"

Cas tries to hold Dean. "Calm down, or let him out. I don't want to see you get hurt."

Dean throws his head back and digs into the skin of his neck. "Out!" He screams.

Cas holds back both of Deans hands. "Stop please." He whispers.

Dean slams his head against the wall, over and over.

Cas doesn't want to raise his voice, so he rips off the bed comforter and wraps it around Dean so he can't scratch.

Dean struggles against the cocoon that Cas has made around him. "He's got me!" Dean shuts his eyes and screeches.

Cas covers Deans mouth with his hand. "Shhhh, you need to calm down."

Dean screams into Cas' palm, and his eyes shoot open. They lock with Cas' and he starts to relax. Dean's breathing starts to return to normal, and he doesn't break eye contact with Cas.

Cas slowly takes his hand off of Deans mouth. "Shhh."

Dean doesn't make a sound. Instead, he scoots a little closer to Cas.

"Don't scratch." Cas orders, but his voice is weak from crying.

Dean wiggles his arms out from the blanket, and holds onto Cas' trench coat. His fingers are caked with dried blood. Cas holds Dean close, and tries to stifle his sobs. Tears roll down Dean's face, and he buries it in the crook of Cas' neck.

"I'm sorry for scaring you." He whispers into Cas' skin. "I'm sorry, I'm scary. I'm a monster."

"No, you're not. Don't say that, Dean."

"He's there still. He's laughing." Dean cringes and tightens his grip on Cas. "Make him stop."

"Then make him stop. He's not in charge of you, no one is." Cas pulls Dean closer by the back of his head. He kisses the top of Dean's head lightly.

Dean looks up curiously at Cas. "Don't you understand? He's not possessing me." Dean pulls his shirt down to reveal his anti-possession tattoo. "He can't. He's me. I'm him. After what I did..." He trails off.

"I know, but...just try and do something..." Castiel stammers. He's at a lose for words. What could you say?

Dean lifts his hand to Cas' face, and rests it there. Some of his sanity was returning to him for a moment. "I love you. I always will." It sounded like a goodbye.

"I love you too." Cas smiles a little, but looks worried. "Dean what-"

"Don't ever forget me, okay? Even in a thousand years, will you remember?"

"I could never forget you."

A small, content smile spreads across Dean's face. He breathes in deep a few times, before standing up quickly. Before Cas has time to react, Dean is on the other side of the room with the angel blade in his hand.

Cas gets up and turns around. The world seems to go into slow motion, he feels like he's moving through tar.

Dean looks at Cas with tear filled eyes. "I'll love you forever, Cas." He whispers before plunging the blade into his chest, and falling to the floor. An orange light flickers in his body, killing the demon.

Cas holds Dean in his arms. "Dean. Dean, please don't go."

Dean's breaths are short, and he clutches Cas with shaky arms. He smiles. "He's gone, Cas. It's me." Blood fills Dean's mouth.

Cas runs his hand over Dean's face. "A thousand years, right. Dean? Look at me." Cas turns his face, so their eyes lock.

Dean's eyes are soft, not crazed like they were before. He nods slowly, his smile growing bigger. Blood spills from the side of his mouth, it mixes with Castiel's tears as he leans his face closer to Dean's. He presses his lips softly against Dean's.

Their kiss said everything neither of them could say in time. Both of their eyes fluttered shut, and when Cas pulled back, Dean's never opened back up.