Loss | Kim Taehyung

009: holding.

ホールディング
HOLDING

it was getting worse.

months passed since jimin's death and inha was getting nowhere. everything and everyone still reminded her of him. she still had a photo album of pictures of both of them together. his texts were still in her messages. he lingered in every scent, every voice, every corner. there were always times where she let her eyes deceive her and thought that she saw him with his mop of orange hair.

oh, how she missed running her fingers through his locks.

her heart would always race, seemingly forgetting the fact that he was dead just for a second. let herself imagine that he was here, he was staring right at her with his warm brown eyes. it had taken her all her will to not run up to him and throw her arms around him like she always used to. but even if she did, he wasn't there.

it could've been his ghost––though inha was never one to believe in superstition––or maybe she was just hallucinating, because he's there but he wasn't.

but it was easier to believe that he was. it convinced herself that she wasn't going out of her mind as she had thought she was.

taehyung was the exact opposite. it seemed like the boy was slowly forgetting. he was smiling more, looked less gloomy and for once and looked like he actually slept more than a few hours a day. she even noticed him smoking less, which is a big deal considering that the boy practically lived on it. he was beginning to show his true self, the taehyung before the loss that they both had experienced, with his boxy grins and contagious laugh.

she was glad that one of them was getting back on track, supposed that it should hurt less looking at him now that he was happier. but it still did. because now when she looked at him, she couldn't help but find jimin. but it didn't make sense for her to see him in taehyung because the boys were different in both appearance and personality.

and yet.

so that was why she'd been subtly avoiding him these past few days, and why she was here in a cafe with yuri instead of taehyung.

inha felt bad that she was using yuri just so she didn't have to call taehyung for comapny. she really wasn't in the mood to be alone now. plus, she needed someone to snap her out of her senses just in case she "saw" jimin again. she was always so alert now, looking at people for too long that it's no wonder her eyes are playing tricks on her.

"...and the bitch didn't even do shit! but she was acting like she did all the work."

she sipped her coffee and nodded. frankly, she hadn't been paying attention and had no idea what the girl was even talking about.

"who does that? i swear to god—" yuri sighed in frustration. inha mumbled a small 'unbelievable'.

conversations and the clicking of glass filled her ears as she played with her nails. yuri was talking again but she wasn't grasping her friends words enough so they left her mind completely. something was wrong with her today. she couldn't focus. there weren't thoughts that were bothering her and constantly on her mind, but she couldn't focus. she felt brain-dead. blank.

she convinced herself that she was just tired and that it was nothing some sleep couldn't get rid of. though it couldn't be the lack of sleep because this coffee did nothing to help at all.