The Girl Who Was In A Sex Tape

The Girl From The Poster

The girl I love was in a sex tape leaked in a porn site and I am a man who judges a person by his or her past. The conundrum was rather solvable. I am a dedicated admirer of past, you can say. My recycle bin contains more folders than all the drives in my laptop combined. That pretty much covers my share of character development, I guess, and she was not going to be an exception.

I am a simple, and a very averagely average looking man, from a small village in Kavre, Nepal. Everybody in my village is either working in a Government office or applying for one. That is the environment I was brought up in. They practically trained and honed me to make a fine Government Office material out of me. I didn't even know how to dream about becoming a doctor or an engineer.

I completed my High School (+2) from a humble government college in the Village. I was one of those children who were destined for Great.

"I am going to invest all my money on you, Son. I believe in you," my father probably had his chest held high on the other side of the internet phone while he said that. He still doesn't understand how much pressure the statement 'I believe in you' puts me in. He was practically smothering me because I knew what 'I believe in you' truly meant. It meant 'if you screw up, I am going to send you in a one hell of a guilt trip'.

"You go to Kathmandu and ace the Civil Service Exams, Son. I love you," he had pretty much ruined it for me by 'believing' in me. I rather just nodded my head. I haven't yet understood why I nod my head while talking on the phone. She says I look ridiculous.

I settled in Thimi, Bhaktapur which is fifteen minutes far from Kathmandu on a public bus. For six months, I almost lived a mechanical life - eat, sleep, go to exams preparation classes, repeat - until a poster that hanged on the electric pole that stood at Thimi Bazaar caught my eye. I still remember the advertisement like the back of my hand - 'Knowledge is Power. And so is choosing a right college. Study Law in Sir Isaac Pascal Law College.' You may ask why I remember such an unnecessary thing. The thing is that the poster had her smiling face as a cover. Yes, you read it right. She looked so beautiful in the coat, that was supposed to make her look like a learned lawyer, and her smile effortlessly polished the whole thing without even trying. Even the rusty pole began to appear poetic to me.

Eating, Sleeping, Going to Preparation Classes, Repeating, although they were an involuntary habit of mine, became something unachievable. The charade soon turned into - whatever you do think about her, think about her, and go to sleep early to dream about her, end up waking up in the middle of the night because you want to think about her, and repeat. A week later I began to look like a defeated alcoholic.

I finally decided to do something about it. The exams were only a week away and I had studied nothing except an equation of her smile and the diameter of her eyes.

"Are you crazy?" shouted the cobbler who sat near that poetic electric pole with his umbrella which was hardly an umbrella. I just pretended that I didn't hear him and began building my pace.

"Crawl down, right now, or I am going to arrest you," the traffic police who had seen me creating a scene from the other side of the road crossed it and without realizing brought a dozen of spectators with him. The buses and the micros stopped mid-way to see what was going on. I practically created a traffic jam without even being on the road. A mini truck driver honked the horn to scare me from continuing my expedition. I even saw a guy who was taking a video with his phone. Bastard. Cannot a man climb on an electric pole to take the poster of the woman he loves in peace?

I finally came down and the traffic police who was now handling the crowd began to run towards me. I didn't want to get arrested so I ran as fast as I could. Everybody in the crowd started cheering for me. I still cannot comprehend why.