Tokyo Ghoul - Attack on Titan - Free - Black Butler one shots.

A Final Farewell

  A month.  It's been a single month since his death.  Four dreaded weeks, each day ripping at his heart and making him feel numb.  As each day was a reminder.. a reminder that he'd never see him again, that smile, that laugh, he'd never get another one of those hugs that use to crush the air out of him.  Despite it all, the worst bit was the fact that he never got a chance to say goodbye.  

  Kaneki had avoided everyone.  Anyone who came to his door, he ignored it.  Any food or drinks they brought and left outside his door, he'd throw in the trash.  He hadn't spoken to anyone since the death of his best friend.  He was crushed by it and didn't see the point of enjoying life without him by his side.  He missed him dearly and with every breath he wished he could bring him back.. or at the very least join him on the other side.  

  Sitting at his desk, his fingernails rattled against it as he stared at the blank piece of paper in front of him.  His pen layed on the desk next to him and a small cut out photograph of himself and Hide sat in the right hand corner.  He let out a deep breath and slammed his hand down hard onto the desk "Nng..." he bit his lip hard, trying his hardest to stop the tears from flowing but no matter how hard he tried it just wouldn't work.  A single tear rolled down his soft cheek and dripped down onto the paper.  Sounds of despair escaping his lips as he looked up at the ceiling "Come back..." he took a deep inhale "Come back I need you Hide!" he cried into the empty room, his voice bounced off the walls,  he was welcomed by silence once again.  

  Slowly, he stood from his desk and went to the bathroom.  He walked in and looked to himself in the mirror, his eyes were bloodshot from the amount of tears he'd shed.  His lips were dry and the skin torn as he hadn't been drinking enough, his face was beginning to draw inwards as the grief of losing him made his appetite minimal.  He turned on the tap and held his hands under it, collecting water in his palms he rinsed his face and then looked back to the mirror as he turned the tap off.  He grabbed a towel and dried his face, clutching it tight in his hands "He... he was all I had..." his hands started shaking a little and he dropped the towel.  He let out a soft sigh and shook his head "Get yourself together Kaneki" he took a couple of deep breaths and nodded, he began to calm down.  Turning and swiftly heading back through, he went and grabbed himself a bottle of water and went back to his seat at his desk.  

  Opening the bottle he guzzled half of it before slamming it down onto the table.  He ran a hand through his hair and picked up his pen.  He may not have gotten to say goodbye.. but he was going to write his goodbye's in a letter, seal it with a picture of the two of them and send it up in a lantern that night.  He would get his goodbye somehow and he would send it up to heaven to him so that he could read it for himself.  With a shaky hand, he took off the lid and carefully place the pen to the paper.  His chest moved rapidly and he felt his heart aching, his breath getting heavy and almost suffocating him.  He began to write down his feelings and pour his heart out onto the sheet.  

  'Dear Hide..   
                                      Not a day goes by where I wish you were with me and sometimes.. I wish I'd died in your place.  Hide.. I miss you so much, it's only been a month but I am struggling.  Each day is a chore, waking up, getting out of bed, living my life but I do it anyway because I know you wouldn't want me to give up like that.  I know you're probably smiling that goofy smile of yours up there and laughing that infectious laugh.. but I want to hear it, I hate the fact I'll never get a chance to see or hear them again.  Are you watching over me?.. do you see how pathetic I'm being?.. I bet you'd hit me over the head and lecture me for starving myself but I just can't eat....'  he paused from writing as his tears fell down and soaked the white sheet of paper, clutching the pen tighter in his hand.  Gripping  it so tight that it snapped, the ink went all over his hand.  "Crap" he got up and went to the bathroom, putting the pen in the kitchen bin on the way there.  He turned on the tap and cleaned the ink from his hand and although  he scrubbed it hard it still left a black stain.  Sighing he went back through and hunted for another pen.