His Amour

Chapter 7.

Recap:: (Chapter 5) "Who are you talking to?" A voice asks from the doorway.

Quickly reaching up to turn the earpiece off by dissimulating flipping my hair over my shoulder. My face beet red in the faded light from the hallway. My body roaming with nerves and the open window blowing in wind, doing nothing in the slightest to calm down my nerves.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, calmly my face and the shivering of my nerves anything but calm. If I blow this now, I'm done. I wont be able to last any longer with the Italians. My façade will only be a faded memory in the back of their minds as a bullet pierces my skull.

DeLilahs face coming into view. Her blonde hair- that she recently died once again- illuminating her pale skin. An eerie look creeping onto her face.

"I heard talking, I thought it came from your room. What are you doing up, still?," Delilah asks, a suspicious look on her features.

"Oh! I had to use the restroom," I lie. Sweat dewing on my forehead. My breath getting shallower the more she stares at me. Her brown eyes boring into my skin. Almost, as if she's scorching me, with her fury stare.

"Oh, really? How? When I was in there?" She asks, placing a hand on her hip.

"Oh. I used Arnauds," I question more than state.

"Really? Hmm, that's weird too, he left," She says.

"Oh.... well I wa-," I begin.

"I know you're lying, so save the bullshit for someone who believes it! Whatever, you're lying about will come out soon. So, please! Stop lying! Goodnight!" She says, exasperated, closing my door with a loud slam.

Sighing quietly to myself, I over dramatically flop back on my pillows. Pulling the covers over my face, closing my eyes.

Whispering deep words, although the earpiece is off. Hoping to the Lord himself that they'll hear me, "Just get the job done, so I can come home,".

My voice cracking. Only until then had I realized how much I missed the French Mafia House. How much I missed having power over every body. How much I missed the memories I had made with my deceased immediate family. I missed so much of the small stuff.

I missed Ropora, DeNunca, Fedora and oddly enough Rodriguez. I missed so damn much of it all. Tears sliding down my face, ruining my thirst for the power that I wanted. Deserved, even.

How, pathetic. A voice whispered in my head.

Ignoring the voice, I closed my eyes; which I had opened sometime. My heart shallow, dark thoughts roaming my thoughts. Getting up from the comfortable spot on my bed, I make my way to the bathroom. Which was odd. Why hadn't I said that I went in my own bathroom?

Focusing on the task at hand, I take a spot in the bath tub and grab the razor blade from the cabinet. Taking the blade out, I lean my head back against the tiled wall. The faint sounds of talking could be heard. Slowly and deep , I scrape the blade across my tanned skin. My face contorting in pain.

The blood cascading down the side of my wrist. The pain bearable. Making me think of other pain than the other shit.

A strangled moan and sob escaping past my lips. Biting down so hard on my bottom lip, i'm sure I drew blood. The metallic taste of blood roaming my mouth. Continuing to make slashes on my wrists.

Why? Why the hell was I doing this?

Too many damn reasons. Entirely, too many.

I couldn't take it. So much pain was rushing through my mind. Clouding every other irrelevant thing. Before I had time to pass out I stumbled into the bed and closed my eyes.