Intellectuals and the opposite.

But Why?

I had spent Monday sleeping, I managed to force a little food down my throat but it only make me feel sick. Carol didn’t want me missing school, so she was making me go in tomorrow. She thought I’d be over it by now, that this was just some teenage first love and we didn’t understand the meaning of the word. None of that could be more false. Sometimes I would just stare out the window, sit for hours just staring. Like I was in a trance, I felt almost crazy at times and I would continuously  have nightmares whenever I did sleep.

I went to sleep on Sunday night, dreading the next day. What if he was there? What if her still wanted to be friends? I don’t think I could bear to look at him again without my heart being ripped from inside my chest. I was constantly thinking and the same question rolled through my head for days. Why?

I woke and rolled over to look at the clock. 6:24 am. I guessed I needed that much time to get ready anyway so I slipped out of bed and walked to my wardrobe. I couldn’t be bothered with the whole ‘new me’ thing today, so I just chucked on a long sleeved top and my favourite black skinny’s, before lacing up my turquoise converses. I checked my appearance in the mirror and focused on my eyes. The red rings from two days ago were still there and they looked disgusting. I decided to cover them with concealer.  Once again I checked myself over. My eyes still looked sleepy and I had a feeling I would be crying today so I used water proof mascara. Screw it, I thought and took all the makeup off again, starting fresh with the routine that Vixen had taught me for the mornings. When I was finished half an hour later, I spread my lip balm over my cracked lips and chucked it in my bag. I made my way downstairs for some breakfast. I didn’t feel up to eating much so I just munched on an apple for a few minutes. I chucked the half finished apple in the bin and headed outside. I slunk into my car and drove to school slowly with no music.

Once I reached school, I slowly walked up the stairs to the corridors. Throughout the day I was totally un aware of people talking to me. I just ignored them even if I did hear them. After first lesson, I continued to stare straight forward as I sluggishly walked through the school I once loved.

clara?...Clara?.....CLARA?!!....

I was completely oblivious to every single person in that school, even my friends. They would call my name, but I would ignore them.

For days I never spoke to anyone, Vix would text me or ring me, but I never answered. I didn’t even speak to Carol and James. I wondered if everyone thought I was crazy, spacing out all the time and never saying a word. I didn’t even answer the teachers when they called my name for the register, I would just raise my hand in conformation to my attendance. I was too busy in my own little world, thinking about Matt. I had so many questions unanswered that I couldn’t help but space out, trying to find the right answer.

It was Friday and I still hadn’t spoken to anyone. I hadn’t seen Matt in the last three days, where was he? Did he hate me?

Suddenly I bumped into something hard and looked up to see Matt. His face was hard and cold and he too, looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. He opened his mouth to say something, but then quickly closed it.

“What were you going to say Matt?” I could feel the tears building up again. Seeing him brought back so much emotion I could barely contain it.

Matt’s eye-brows furrowed as if he were deep in thought, then he simply shook his head and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” He tore his gaze away from mine and paced down the corridor, leaving me, again, speechless. I stamped my foot in pure anger and shuffled along to my next class.

***

(Matt’s Point of View.)

I lay on my over sized bed, thinking about Clara. Clara was the only person I thought about now and knowing that I could no longer be with her was slowly tearing my heart to shreds.  Clara was an amazing girl, she was smart, funny, clever, beautiful... What the hell had I done. Breaking up with her was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but her safety came first and it needed to be done.

The text I had received from the anonymous number chilled me right through to my core and I knew at that moment what I would have to do. I didn’t want to break up with Clara. I didn’t intend to ever hurt her, but I had no choice.

I went to school on Friday for the first day. I didn’t want anyone to see me cry and I certainly didn’t want anyone to see the massive red bags that were now underneath my eyes. I had slept on and off for the past four days, never gaining more than an hour’s sleep at a time. I was completely restless and uncomfortable without Clara’s little body in my arms and sincerely wished she could be here with me right now. I walked into school, carrying only my school books. I was here to learn then gone. I didn’t want to see my friends, I didn’t wan to see my teachers, I didn’t want to see anybody. The only person I really felt the need to see was of course Clara and that was too risky.

Suddenly I bumped into a girl with bright blue converses and lifted my gaze. Only when I met Clara’s gaze did I feel better. Just her presence made me feel brighter, stronger. I was about to ask her how she was, when I remembered the text. ‘Speak to her again and she’s dead. You can’t stop me this time.’ I shut my mouth immediately.

“Matt?” Her voice rang in my ears like a beautiful sounding bell, “What were you going to say?” She looked confused and also, like she hadn’t had any sleep. It took every ounce of effort in my body to walk away from her but amazingly, I shredded my gaze away from hers and walked away.

I got home that day and collapsed on my bed. Frustration and anger writhed through me as I remembered the hideously tragic expression on Clara’s face as I told her I could no longer be her boyfriend. It’s for her safety. My subconscious was telling me over and over but the words didn’t sink in. Suddenly I realised why the murderer had sent me the text, he was going to kill her anyway. I jumped up from my bed and grabbed my coat, sprinting down the stairs and out the door to my car. There was no way I was letting that psycho near my Clara again.

I drove at record speed to the front of Clara’s house and took a deep breath before opening the car door and jogging up the path to her house. I rang on the door bell once and about 10 seconds later, Clara swung open the door.

“Matt, what are you doing here.” Her expression was hurt and cold and a wave of guilt washed through me as I remembered I was the one that put it there.

“I-. Clara. I’m so sorry please let me explain, I never wanted..” I bowed my head in shame, letting a tear fall from my eye and a sniff erupt from my nose. I felt a warm hand on my arm and I looked up, surprised, to see a face very different from before. Her expression was now warm and kind. She pulled me inside, closing the door and led me to the sofa. Some distant sounding sirens glided through my ears and quickly passed, leaving us in silence once more.

“Matt, why did you break up with me?” Clara broke the dead air and focused her vision on me.  I stared back, observing the falling tear on her cheek.

“I didn’t want to, never, I promise I will never leave you again.” I pulled her close to me and dropped my head into her neck. Finally after days and days of agony I felt happy again. With her in my arms I couldn’t help but let out a groan.

“What was that for?” Clara chuckled. It felt amazing, hearing her laugh again.

“That was too long apart from you. I missed you like hell.” I straightened my neck and gazed into her exited eyes.

“Agreed.” A small smile played at her lips as I cupped her cheek with my hand, pulling her face closer to mine. I inched closer and closer to her, making every second in proximity to her last.  Our lips were just inches away from touching when the phone rang. I groaned again and pulled my face away from hers, letting her receive the phone call.