(Toni's Pov)
*Little Did She Know*
4 years earlier...
" Baby, I'm married!"
At the time I didn't know those three little words were gonna change my life upside down.
" What do you mean?" I ask stupidly, still shocked by those three words.
" I met a man three months ago and we've been seeing each other and he ask me to marry him over the weekend." She stated excited. So that's where she always disappeared to.
" Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone?" I asked still shocked at the news.
" Well you know my track record with men." She offered as an explanation.
You see, my mom is not a good judge of characters when it comes to men. She's just so blind when it comes to them. She doesn't see their true colors until it's too late. She misses all the clues cause she's too zoned out with her head in the clouds. Like when she dated a guy name Larry. He was nice and all but he was too paranoid and jumpy. And when things started coming up missing, I knew he had to go. But my mom didn't think so, so he stayed. At least until her jewelery came up missing that's when she got suspicious. Turns out Larry was a crack addict selling our stuff to make money to support his habit. Next was Bubba, a fat lazy lard who sat on his ass all day eating up all of our food, while my momma worked herself ragged to bring home the bacon, and he just ate it. Then there was Te'Quan, a very charming guy who made lots of money. Doing what? You guessed it, selling drugs. He was the biggest drug dealer around our way, thats probably where Larry got his drugs from, isn't that ironic? But anyways back to what I was saying. Te'Quan WAS the biggest drug dealer around our way which means he is a big target for other young drug dealers wanting to take his thrown. We had cops coming to our door asking about him and they were trailing us where ever we went. The last straw though was when our house was shot at by Te'Quan's enemies. She dumped him right after that incident. Te'Quan was later locked up on drug charges and got five years but he's still running his business through jail to the outside world with the help of his people but he's no longer on top. Somebody else is now running things around our way but Te'Quan is still making money. There was also Sean a.k.a my dad, he didn't know how to keep it in his pants so my mom kicked his ass out while she was pregnant with me. And because he was married to another woman while he was with my mom, I bet your wondering what happen to this f*cked up love triangle, well his wife somehow found out about his affair with my mom (thanks to the invention called a telephone my mom was able to tell her every single detail including the kidney-shape birthmark on his butt as proof.) and he was kicked out the house and now they're divorce. Anyway, he refuses to pay child support and he doesn't care to be apart of my life so it was just me and my mom. That is until my step-dad came into the picture.
" Yeah, I know mom, your not that good with picking men, but are you sure about this one?"
" Yes I'm very sure baby he's the one I want to be with." Now haven't I heard that before with all the others.
" Okay mom I just want you to be happy." Which is true.
" I am happy." She says with a glow.
" Okay, so when am I going to meet him?" I ask apprehensively.
" Now." She answers excited.
" Mom, it's to soon." I swear sometimes I feel like the mom and she's my irresponsible daughter. Isn't suppose to be the other way around.
" No, he's my husband now and your my daughter, plus he's gonna be moving in with us today."
" But mom-" I started to say but was interrupted by a big scary looking man walking into our kitchen.
" Sorry little girl but I'm your step daddy now and I'm moving in whether you like it or not." He said to me then kissed my mother. I knew at that moment that something big was about to change in my life. And I was right...
A year later...
He usually beats my mom until she blacks out unconscious. I can often hear her screams through the paper thin walls of my bedroom. Her begging and pleading floats on the air into my room and into my ears.
" Please! stop! please, please I'll do anything, just stop!" She sobs.
" Why should I? Your nothing but worthless piece of trash. Nobody wants you." His deep voice replies with a mocking laugh.
SLAP!!!
Then I hear my mom scream in pain. That's basically how it usually goes. If his dinner is cold when he gets home from work, he beats her. If she looks him in the eye, he beats her. If she refuses to do what he told her to do, he beats her. If he has a bad day at work, he beats her. Basically he beats her for evey little thing. Me on the hand, he beats me regularly and often but not as much as he beats mom. He enjoys to humiliate her when he beats her, he just beats me cause I'm there and he can't stand the sight of me. She gets it way worst.
That's why I wasn't shocked when I came home from school one day to see my mom lying in my bed...DEAD. I looked at the night stand and saw an empty pill bottle. " I always feel safer in your bed than mine." She use to tell me when she would sneak out of her bed to come lay down with me in the middle of the night but by the time I wake up in the morning she's back in her bed before HE notice she's gone. I stroke her hair as I stare at her lifeless form. She looks so peaceful. While bending over to kiss her cheek, a tear rolls down my face and onto her flushed face.
" I love you mama. I know you couldn't take the abuse anymore and this was your way out, but this isn't going to be my out, I'm gonna make it through this. I'm gonna come out strong in the end. I know you didn't want to leave me but you were tired and I forgive you. You tried being the best mama you can be and I love you for that. It's time for your soul to be at peace mama. I love you so much and I'll always miss you ." I say aloud knowing that her spirit was watching over me now, listening. I know she is probably worried about me but I wanted to put her at ease and I didn't want her to regret her decision to get out of a bad situation this way. I wanted to reassure her I still love her after the
decision she made. I always wanted her to get out of this situation but I couldn't choose how or when, as long as she's safe now I'm glad she's dead as weird as that sounds but I truely am. But it's still painful cause she's my mom and I'm gonna miss her. Needing something of hers to keep with me, I took her locket from around her neck and was about to put it on when a piece of paper fell onto my lap after I opened it.
Baby girl,
I love you with all my heart and I want you to know that what I did
had nothing to do with you, I just couldn't take the pain anymore. I wasn't
strong enough to get out of this situation with your step-dad Wayne but I
know your strong enough to. Promise me you would. I will be watching over
you from heaven or from the gates leading into heaven and know I'll always
be listening when you need to talk even though you can't hear and see me
I'll be there. I love you. Your my pride and joy and I was glad God has
blessed me with a daughter like you.
-Love MOM
P.S. Promise Me.
" I Promise Mama." I folded up the letter.
Those three little words actually turned out to be big words that changed my whole life and my mama's life.
Little did she know those three little words were gonna end hers.
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