You Were Always The One (Jaime Preciado Fanfic) *Book Two*

16. I Just Wanna Scream

Entry 52 – July 26

Week 2:

Jaime's still asleep, not an inch of his body has moved and I feel so torn it's unbelievable how I'm surviving right now.

The doctors keep monitoring him and they say the same thing every day, "Everything still looks stable..." "You have to just let him wake up on his own." "No change in swelling." Or my personal favorite, "He could be in here for months."

I wish they could just put something in him so he could wake up already.

We've practically moved into this hospital room, Lilah's play pin against the wall, my laptop connected to the TV so I can watch movies, a box of books to read, and my soft black blanket from home with my black pillow so I can sleep on this uncomfortable sofa.

The nurses know me by name and I'm still debating on whether or not that's a good thing, the pro side of that being that they bring me food from the cafeteria, sometimes it's not so great but hey beggars can't be choosers, right?

I forgot to mention that the officers who came to the crash told me that the driver in the other car was drunk, he made it out alive and barely scratched, I can't help but feel so much anger towards him. He lived, not saying Jaime or I died but he walked away just fine, yet here I am sitting in a seat next to my boyfriend who's in a coma because of HIS actions, because HE decided to be irresponsible.

He did, however, write a letter to me saying how sorry he is for what he did, but it's still no excuse for what he did and it doesn't make anything better.

I wish I could go back to that night and change everything, maybe we could've stayed later and missed the car, maybe if it weren't my birthday there wouldn't have been a reason to be out that night in the first place.

But those are only wishes...

I've had to postpone the opening of my bakery until Jaime wakes up and is able to function, this is where my attention is and not on anything else, well, except Lilah of course.

We've had so many fans come to the hospital after finding out where we were, no one was allowed up of course, but they've been dropping off so many flowers and baskets it's ridiculous, I've had to tell my parents and the guys to take them to the apartment because it became too much to have in the room with us.

I haven't been home now that I think of it, I refuse to leave this room unless it's to go downstairs to grab something to eat, but that's only when someone is in here with Jaime while I'm away.

I haven't stepped foot out of this building, my daily routine as of lately has been,

1. Wake up, go down the hall to grab coffee.

2. Take a shower in our rooms bathroom.

3. Walk Lilah around the halls (While someone is watching Jaime.) if no one is here then we wait until someone shows up.

4. Get food from the vending machine outside, but usually Spencer or one of the guys brings food when they come visit.

5. Do some work

6. Watch a movie with Lilah, her favorite being Harry Potter lately.

7. Take Lilah a bath and get her ready for bed.

8. Go to sleep.

Sometimes I sleep in Jaime's bed even though the doctors tell me not to incase he were to wake up and flip his shit, but I could honestly care less, I just want to feel his body next to mine.

I feel like the others are slowly losing hope, which scares me to be totally honest, knowing they're giving up makes me even more depressed than I am right now. But I won't let that change my positive attitude, I wake up every day telling myself that today will be the day. And if it's not then it'll be the next day, I won't give up on him, I know he'll come out of this.

I need him to come out of this, I don't know what I'd do without him, without hearing his voice, or feeling the warmth of his body radiating onto mine.

After Sean I told myself I'd never rely on a guy to make me happy, to define who I was, I would never depend on another guy again, but Jaime's different I guess. I depend on his happiness to fill mine, when he's sad I'm sad, when he's mad I'm mad, when he's lifeless on a hospital bed... I'm dead.

I just wanna scream, I want everything to go back to normal, I want this nightmare to end because I can't take this shit happening to us all the time.

I feel so dead right now, and no one can tell because I don't express it in front of them, I keep this smile on my face and pretend that I'm staying strong when in reality I'm empty.

Without Jaime, I'm lost...

-Arianna Rae

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