Caution. If you wouldn't like to hear a lecture about writing stories, please skip this chapter
PLEASE DON'T BE OFFENDED I JUST WANTED TO TRY AND TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW
Me: Black love.. I'M EXPECTING ALOT FROM THIS
Ciel: Why?
Me: Because David and Blair are in this chap!!!
Ciel: Ah, the last time I saw them was when you gave birth to them
(I was supposed to pick a name out of the people who commented, but then my kyouhai confessed to me and now we're friends. WELP. I DECIDED TO NAME A KID AFTER HIM XD)
Me: Yea. I hid them until they were old enough to talk :3
David: Daddy?
Blair: M-mama dada? *points to Ciel*
Me: Blair is still practicing the letter S
Me: She hates saying anything with S
Me: Baby, say "super"
Blair: T-thuper
Ciel:*chuckles*
Me: OKE CHAPTER ONE!!
*reads chapter one*
Me: I do think that its kind of surprising how you suddenly introduced Rachel and Vincent like that.
David: Whats wrong with that?
Blair: Y-yeah!!
Ciel: That can't be real. My parents are dead *emo aura*
Me: Wellllll, since I've been quite a reader of stories, I've always liked the stories that show a bit of information on how the main character's life is going on right now at the start.
I wouldn't like to jump into the rising action before the introduction
*sighs* I'm sorry I'm quite a teacher when it comes to something I like 😂
Ciel: *NOTICE ME PEOPLE*
Blair: *Sits on Ciel's lap*
David: *grabs popcorn*
Me: ONTO CHAPTER 2.
Quite a nice chapter it is. BUT. ITS TOO SHORT T-T I WANT A LITTLE MORE DRAMA, OR ROMANCE XD
David: Why her, dad?
Ciel: I have no idea
Me: CHAP 3!
I recommend adding double spaces. It'll be easier to read, and the story would seem longer 👍
CHAP 4!
I'm sorry, you lost me. Why did Sebastian say no? Since when was Mey-rin there? Why is Ciel mad about being immortal with his parents? (So sorry I really love it when I understand everything)
CHAP 5!!!
Hm... Wasn't Sebastian mad in the last chapter? Are they inlove? Who broke a rib (Lol jk)
6th chapter~
I liked this chapter XD They were in character, but the spacing made it hard for me to read it continuously. Practice adding more enters
Like
This XD
Its easier to read 👍
CHAP 7
I'm guessing that the brother is dead or in another country or something XD
I like that you made the last part a cliff hanger, but in this chap, I felt like you revealed too much of Ciel's thoughts.
Instead of writing something like "Is that even POSSIBLE?! Can that REALLY HAPPEN?!", I'd settle with "Is it possible? Can that really happen?"
You don't really need to emphasize. Or atleast, thats what I think XD
UNLESS YOU'RE WRITING FOR A STORY LIKE THIS XD
ALL IN ALL, I'D GIVE THIS STORY AN 8 OUT OF 11 STARS.
IT HAS ALOT OF POTENTIAL.
SOME STORIES DON'T
I RECOMMEND THIS STORY TO Anyone who'd appreciate hard work 👍
((TAKE NOTE. THIS IS JUST MY OPINION. NO NEED TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY. I LOVE YOU ALL))
Everyone with me: *sleeping*
