Fifty Million Followers [BOYXBOY]

33.

Candice Fitzpatrick, sat facing me with her legs crossed on her bed in her hotel room, poses a really big problem. Should I lie to her?

"There's no point lying to me, Scott." Fuck sake. "Luke and I don't talk often, but we talk. And...it's ok."

No it's not; it's awkward, really fucking awkward. Like I'm sat here, with my legs crossed too, with a Chinese takeaway between us (or takeout as the receptionist downstairs called it) trying to talk about this in the most delicate way possible. But there actually isn't a delicate way to talk it, is there? Because it's not delicate, it's messy, destructive, and it really hurts.

"I'm sorry, Candice."

"Sorry for what? For falling in love? There's nothing you can do about that, Scott. It's sort of a 'it doesn't care if you don't want it' thing, you know?" She fumbles with her chopsticks, cursing that there's no cutlery in the room save a teaspoon. "You just gotta ride through it. You never know, he might love you back."

"He does." Candice drops her chopsticks. "No, I mean he loves me, like we all love each other, but he's not in love with me."

"Oh...I know how that feels." The room's beginning to stink of soy sauce, and I stand for a second to crack open a window. But instead of coming back to the bed, I just sort of... press my forehead against the cold glass. It feels nice, I could fall asleep in this position, I reckon.

"Shit, you're not wallowing, are you?" Her mouth's now full.

"A little bit. It's not like I can just give myself some space from him. Not that I would want that, he's still my best friend." My best friend who I like to have undivided attention from. A best friend who gives it to me because he does nothing but give and give.

"Ok, you know what? You need to stop treating him like an angel." She sounds aggressive than she usually does, and it takes me by surprise. "Sure, he's lovely. He's one of the most genuine people I've ever met. He's caring and thoughtful and very selfless. But you need a break. You don't have to ditch him, just set boundaries!" She sighs, and throws down the bloody chopsticks when she can't get a hang of them. "He wants you to be happy, and so he'll understand that you won't always want to hang out with him just the two of you, or that maybe he hugs you a bit too much. It's weird...I did what I did to him because I wasn't getting enough of what you get too much of. He cares for people in different ways. He says he's not in love with you, but he clearly does feel something, right?"

I shrug. People just don't kiss you because you want them to; they kiss you because they want to as well. He told me he liked it, that he really liked it . I love him, but this isn't love, it's becoming a fucking obsession. We're obsessed with each other, but mine just seems to involve a lot more sex.

"I don't know, Candice. I think..."

"You're stressed. You've got rehearsals, interviews, and I heard there's talks of a new album."

I snort. "Well they tell us last. I've been writing, composing a little." I don't mention how Oliver is the only one who listens to them, the only one who I let listen to them. I also don't mention that we meet in studios and in corners of rooms so I can help him sing. Because I know that doesn't help at all. If being alone with him is a crime then I'm committing murder. I rub my hands over my eyes, lay flat across the bed. Candice looks down on me, and sighs.

"Maybe you should just have a night where you don't think about him; where you just... I don't know, let loose maybe?"

I sit up and rest on my elbows. "Are you suggesting I get smashed?"

"Umm...no, not really..."

"Because I think you suggested that I go out and get smashed in one o' these fancy night clubs. There's lots of them around here, chocked full of famous people. I think that's what you just said." I grin at her. It's perfect, it's what I need, to get out of my head, to feel something different that isn't unrequited love. Because I know that time will let it wash away, but there's no time like the present, and the present is fucking grim.