HOPE

Chapter Four

CHAPTER FOUR***

Numbness that's all I feel walking away from him. I cant believe he actually rejected me. My dad always told me this would happen . The first time he ever said it was a few weeks after my brother left. At first it didn't bother me. At first. And then I started believing it. But when he died I thought he was wrong. Coming here, even though it's only been a day I thought I could be happy. Live my life. Get over my past and be able to meet my mate and live a happy life I never once thought that all of it was just a dream. Just a dream that will never come true. A dream that will never be fulfilled and just disappear into nothingness.. Just. Like. Me.

He was right. I am useless. I am weak and pathetic. And I don't deserve the right an alpha. To be the Luna would only make this pack crumble and fall and I'm not willing to let that happen. Rather they know it or not they are my family and I will protect them. I don't have to like them. I don't have to love them . But I will here for them until the day they betray me and then I'm out. I'll be gone.

I will go through with my plans to graduate and then after that I'm not sure what I'll do. I might be dead by then. But it doesn't matter. No one wants me anyways. I don't want to be known as the girl that just gave up though. I want to be known as the girl that continued her schooling trying to finally accomplish and be good enough for something in my life. Sure I won't have to many friends. But its what I want. I don't want to go to school like a normal kid. Because I'm not a normal kid.

As I make my way into the house past the crowds of people I realize that My heart is completely shattered. Not just broken but shattered into tiny tiny pieces and I know it can never be put together again. The hope I had when I came here is lost with it. I made my way into my room locking the door behind me out of habit and walked to the small desk sitting in the corner. I grabbed my notebook I've kept for the past few years and turned into the back of the book to a blank page and wrote,

" I pray to you god , to make sure that he's sure he made the right decision . Because in a few months there will be no taking it back. And I hope that they grow old together. That they are happy. That they have a house on a hill to escape to with their children when they want family time. I want him to walk in from a stressful day and wrap his arms around her and be automatically cured. To kiss her every morning before he leaves and every night before bed. To walk up behind her when she's getting ready or cooking and hug her from behind kissing her neck. To kiss away all her worries and to wipe away all her tears. To never hurt her. And to be there for her when he is needed.

And I want her to know what a great man he is. To know deep in her soul that no matter what he's done to another he will never do to her. To know he will never reject her and will love her no matter what problems come to them in the future. To be able to look at him and have her own stress leave her. And I hope she bears a houseful of pups for them to love and cherish. Boys that are a spitting image of him and little girls that have him wrapped around their little finger. Boys to teach how to be a man and to play sports and girls to spoil and protect. To be able to support him in all of his decisions. But most of all I hope and pray to you that she will love him the way I could have.. The way I would have... The way I do..."

As the tears hit the paper and smeared some of the ink. I sent my prayer to god to make sure they had the best lives he could possibly give them.