Sacrifices We Make

Part 3

Kaitlin's POV

I couldn't stop thinking about what he said to me in the hallway. I thought he cared. Doesn't it burn knowing that you thought they cared about you but they actually don't? What did i do wrong? Even if i did something wrong. I get it Dylan, i apologize sincerely for what i have done to you but what did i actually do to deserve all of this?

Why does it affect me so much? Lot's of people bully me and call me really vicious things. When they called me  more and mean things about me i ignored it and it never hurted me that much. Why did it hurt when Dylan said only one word to me?

As i was thinking about Dylan and what did i freaking do to deserve all this, i wasn't really looking at the way and i without any clue of what on earth is happening i fell onto my knees and wondered who or what i hit, so i looked up and saw the last person i wanted to see. Well correct that part, the SECOND last person i wanted to see.

It was Caden. He had a worried look in his face and apologized repeatedly saying that it was an accident. I didn't want him to see my face because it was covered in tears and sobs, so i ran but he held my hand tight. "OMG, are you actually crying? Why, it's the first day of senior. Come on don't cry." UGH SHUT UP CADEN HE KNOWS IM CRYING AND HE'S TELLING ME NOT TO!! I got annoyed somehow and I just took off running. I saw Amanda as i was running and i told her i wanted to go to her house to sort of escape reality.

I didn't care less on the "tutoring lessons" because i was blocked by distractions and Amanda knew I couldn't drive in a condition like this so she drove my car to her house. I told my mom and she supported me and approoved the plan. On the way ti Amanda's house i caught a guy I've saw before. It obviously was Dylan. I felt like i was shrinking in my seat because he was laughing with another girl in his arms and hugging her.

I felt more betrayed than heartbroken and i grabbed a paper from my bag and started ripping it hysterically. Why did he have to do this? WHY DID HE HAVE TO TAKE MY HAPPINESS!! WHY?!?!?

Amanda saw me and just smiled knowing what i needed. "Hey, wanna grab some starbucks to cheer ya up?" I forced a smile and nodded. So we headed to starbucks and i tried to clear my mind off those shiz i don't need to think about and i ordered a caramel macchiato. I opened my phone and just stalk random people. Cuz why not?

After we were done, i keep getting a slight sense that there's Dylan in this place and i whispered to Amada we should go now and she grabbed my arm and pulled me in my car. The whole car ride was silent but we turned on some jams so we were jamming out to Justin and One Direction.

Of course Dylan was still the major topic i had in my mind but i thinked about him less than i did before. I keep getting these awful flashbacks of what he said to me but i guess i'm just overreacting about this. Why can't i move on. Is he that important to me? If i need him, why do i feel tortured around him? Why can't it be like before.

Where i could be myself around him. I could talk about litterally anything to him. He wouldn't care how random or unimportant it is but he just listened. I wonder, where is the old him? Is he locked up somewhere? I sighed, i know he is not locked up but i just make some theories to make me feel a lot better than how i'm actually feeling.

I sometimes wish he knew how i felt about him. But if i did tell him that i have feelings for him, would it be diffrent? Sometimes even if we try, it still creates no changes. How could i get over him fast? Probably i should leave this town, memory and others and start a new one. Will it be what i think it will be? Will i find someone new that treated me the way i wanted them to treat me?

Will me achieving my dream be my main factor of happiness? Or will i just be more unhappy? Would i feel the same way and have struggles moving on? There are so many things in the future we don't know. It creeps me iut knowing, if we didn't do this, would the future change?

Right now i have no idea what should i do and what path should i choose but i should really make it reasonable because once i've made my decision there's no turning back.

Dylan knows how much i'm sort of scared of falling in love. But why does he hurt me? Ugh,, i'm legit stuck in my own thoughts and i feel like i should move on. But how the freak do i do that?

I can't believe that when people say "it's impossible to move on" it's actually relatable. Wow! Great i am getting more stuck in my thoughts. Great job me! Yaa, i sorta suck.

Sometimes i feel like there is litterally no point in living this cruel and vicious life but what do i do in the afterlife. Look at Dylan falling in love with another girl? That will make me even more sad and cautious about myself.

I imagine he's like here beside me comforting me and calming me down. I guess there's a world where me and Dylan is together. And that place is my imagination. I mean no one "ships" us because they all say I'm to ugly for him.

I don't feel like I'm ugly because i think that beauty comes in many ways. But i guess people think diffrently. Hmm, my energy gets drained a lot just thinking about this. I guess my imagination for now will satisfy me.

(A/ N: Hey bbys😘. Updated chaper YAYY!! I feel like I'm the only one cherishing this right now. BUT OH WELL. Sorry for the mistakes that are in this chapter and DON'T FORGET TO COMMENT AND VOTE❤️)