Invisible Girl

Prologue ♡

      I had enough of people leaving me; people excluding me; people who don't even care; and people who just don't like me. I don't know what I've done to deserve this, but I think I know that maybe I wasn't deserve to live this life. I can't believe I'm gonna say this but, maybe this is the end of my life. I can't really take any of this any further. My heart is broken and I only have 1 real friend who really cares about me. Her name is Kalin. I really thank her for everything she has done in my life. She is the only one who makes me feel at least happy.
      I don't think people realize how many times they have hurt my feelings; how many times I've faked a smile during school; how many times I've hid all of my sadness deep inside my heart. The sad part is that nobody really noticed that I was sad..
      Apparently, in the past, those did come true but recently, I did make many friends except for the fact that they barely care for me and personally I think nobody cares for me. Maybe because I'm too quiet, too shy, too innocent, compared to everyone else. I've tried to change myself many times, but no matter how hard I try, I've never felt any difference in the way I act towards people. I've tried to become more talkative but I just sound weird.
Does everyone like me for who I am?
Are they making mean comments about me?
Are they making rumors about me?
      Hey, did you know that I've been sad for over 4 months already? Do I have depression? Those scars on my arms that I called cat scars weren't really cat scars.. I actually cut myself. I promised myself I won't cut myself ever again, but lately I've been really tempted too.
Wanna know why?
      Well, I have this friend named Jenna, these past few years, Jenna was really nice to me. But these days, I don't know what's gotten into her.. She used to call me a good friend. Yet, on Facebook she posted a photo of her good friends and tagged them all..leaving me out. It's either she lied to me or she didn't care for me at all..
Who would really care if I died? Would anyone care?
I've been suicidal once, but I've survived and tried not to think about death or suicide anymore. It's really hard you know?
      I've always been a positive girl and always looked on the bright side of life but ever since this happened I've completely shut myself down..
I have no hope, no motivation to do anything. I've starved myself to death before. I'm now on the dark side of life. I wanna be the girl I used to be, not the person I am now.
      Every single day, when I reach home,
Do you know what I do? I cry hoping life will get better, because my life is boring and it sucks.
      I cry because I'm not good enough; I cry because I'm ugly; I cry because I'm fat; I cry because I'm useless and have no meaning in life. I cry for everything I've done that was meaningless.
I really need help.
This isn't getting me anywhere..