Haikyuu Imagines. {Haikyuu x Reader}

The Cycle.(Wakatoshi Ushijima)

-I hope you enjoy this angst! Enjoy!-

  It happens every single day. He's supposed to stay strong about it, but every time it happens, it tears him apart from the inside. He is and always has been one to find solutions for everything, but for the first time in his life he is helpless. He can only endure your pain and exhaustion with you. The only thing he can be is your support, and not the actual medicine to your incurable illness. He definitely changed after meeting you, how could he not? The usual stoic persona of himself dissipates and now he goes soft whenever he is around you.

"Why do you always stare at me like that when I take my meds?" you sigh as you catch him watching you almost worriedly after you swallow the handful of pills.

"Because I feel like they hurt you more than the actual illness." he replies bluntly as he tears his gaze away with an annoyed frown.

"You know that it gets worse if I don't take them," you reply softly as you reach over to touch his cheek comfortingly. " You saw how bad it got before."

  Ushjima stands abruptly, and your hand that was previously on his cheek falls limply on to the lunch table. He shoves his untouched food into the bin and turns to you, his expression is back to showing no emotion at all, perhaps he's hiding it behind his tough exterior again.

"Sorry, I'm being insensitive again." he murmurs before turning around to walk away.

  You watch his broad back swing with every step, and tears automatically brim in your eyes. You know how much you're hurting him, but the fact that he hides it makes you feel even worse. You know that your condition is worsening, and the episodes you have become scarily frequent. A cold sweat breaks out and your uniform sticks to your back uncomfortably as you think about the uncontrollable spasms   of each seizure. Every single time you recover, you see his concerned face in front of you and that tore you apart inside. No matter how many fights you get into, whenever it happens he is always there by your side when you return. His love is unconditional, but you know that if you didn't have the seizures, he'd be much happier and free. 

  Hastily wiping your tears away, you pick up your spoon to scoop out a bit of your favourite pudding and enjoy it before the bell went off for class. But you suddenly feel your head trembling violently and before you know it, the cutlery in your hand clatters to the ground with a loud bang. Your body hits the ground next, and your lungs scream for air as your organs remain paralysed in complete confusion. Wakatoshi swivels around as he hears the ear-piercing clang and immediately dashes towards where he just came from. Just like that, his worst nightmare unfolds in front of him as he sees your slight body convulsing on the cold cafeteria floor. Your face turns beet red and sweat glistens from your temple as inhumane gurgles and gasps choke out from your clenched mouth. Hopeless tears stream down your swollen cheeks, and your chest does not rise enough to supply your body with enough oxygen. Acidic froth bubbles at your lips, and your legs kick out spasmodically as if you are being electrocuted. This is one of your worst attacks yet.

  A crowd gathers around you and Ushijima, and he barks ferociously at one student to call an ambulance. He is always calm and collected, and this is the first time the entire school witnesses the super ace crumble into himself. He tilts you to the side and holds your tongue with his own hand to prevent you from chomping it off. Your chattering mouth clenches down on his fingers, drawing blood in the process. But he doesn't flinch at all, as his olive eyes search your hazy ones desperately. As your twitches and jerks finally cease, he holds you close to his chest and pulls your neck towards the crook of his neck as the tears finally emerge from his own eyes. Ugly sobs resonate in the now silent lunch room, and his silent tears drip down on to your own tear-ridden cheeks. 

He never cries.

  When you finally awake, your eyelids weigh down on you and your body feels sluggish. Your muscles burn, and you realise that you probably pulled another set of muscles again. Your mouth tastes like iron and the insides of your cheeks feel swollen and bruised from where you had bitten it. You're confused, because you don't remember anything that happened the last time you were conscious. That's the thing about your condition, memories get chipped away in the process. You feel lost and confused when the door opens and a tall familiar figure strides in. You take a solid minute to remember who he is, and you notice the heavy bandages wrapped around the hand that he protected your tongue with. Of course, you don't remember this at all. All you know is that something must have happened during your last seizure, and you cannot remember anything at all. Your shoulders shake and Ushijima notices immediately. He pulls your head into his standing embrace, and he squeezes tightly.

"I'm so sorry. Your hand-" you sob powerlessly. "Oh god, did I...?"

"No. I just got injured during volleyball. Don't worry, you didn't hurt me." he confirms falsely.

"Bullshit," you weep against his jersey as you grip it tightly in a fist. "Just say that I did."

  He pulls himself away from you roughly and grabs on to your shoulders before tilting your chin towards his lips. The emotions of pain and anguish come crashing down on your mouth, but he holds you close as you lean into him. When you break away, your head spins and again your heart monitor causes havoc in the room. Ushijima screams for you to snap out of it, but you can only see the motion of his lips. As your eyes roll back, the kiss is long forgotten.

The vicious cycle begins again.