We Look Up at the Same Stars and See Such Different Things ☆ Kylo Ren

☆ Prologue ☆

I was awake. I was aware and I could hear and feel, but my eyes wouldn't open. A cold light illuminated my eyelids, and all I saw was their fleshy pink glow. My hand wandered around, grasping for something familiar. A cold floor, silky fabric, my beating heart. My fingers tingled as my heart rate rose. Good, I was alive... scared, confused, but alive. At least... I thought I was.

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6 HOURS EARLIER

I shifted in bed and turned on my side. My soft hair fell over my shoulder and covered my face as I ran my fingers along my warm quilt. "Not yet," I groaned as I turned to lay on my back, "trust me I'm awake, my eyes just aren't open". I groaned once more and hoisted myself up on my elbows, my eyes still closed. Slowly, my eyelids lifted, revealing the glowing white light reflecting through my lace curtains. I glanced in the mirror across from my bed. Avoiding my reflection, I first focused on the golden vines coiled around the glass; an antique. My eyes then reached my face. My heart dropped in disappointment as I met the face that looked back at me; tousled blonde hair, slightly tanned skin, emerald green eyes, dry lips. The disappointment didn't stem from my looks; I knew I was pretty, at least, I was always told I was pretty. The disappointment came from my family, my actions, my plan for today.

Today was the day I drop out of college. Today I would look my advisor in the face and say that I was done; that I was going to throw away the last 1 and a half years pursuing an engineering degree; that I was going to walk away from TCU with boxes under my arms and never come back. But first, chapstick. I slid open my nightstand drawer and smeared some cherry flavored moisture onto my lips. I threw the tube back into the drawer and made my way to my closet. I grabbed my palm and squeezed, focusing on the pressure instead of my sinking stomach. I took a deep breath and exhaled. "Go time."

I swept my fingers along my clothes, finally deciding on my silky ivory tank top. It was spring in Fort Worth, but today there was a bit of winter bite in the air. My pale face got red as a tomato at the slightest embarrassment, so I would rather be cold and postpone the inevitable, as I would surely get flushed in the advisor meeting. To be safe, I tossed a cream sweater into my backpack. I slipped on my lucky dark wash skinny jeans and burgundy flats and I was ready to go. As I stepped towards the door my gaze rested upon a framed picture on my desk. I gently picked up the metal frame; it was cool in my hands. I traced my grandma's warm smile with my finger. I missed her so much. In the photo she held my shoulders; I could almost feel the reassuring squeeze she would always give me when I was nervous. I didn't exactly have a great childhood, but thinking about my grandma taking care of me always made me feel like a child again. I hardly knew my parents, for which I was actually grateful. It is much less painful to lose people you barely knew.

I lost my dad before he died...yes, that's possible. He loved destroying himself more than he loved his family or anything else. Destroying himself was his favorite pastime. His medium? Alcohol. He drank until he passed out; until he was coughing up blood. He drank until he couldn't speak and woke up with black eyes he didn't remember getting. He drank until he almost died and was put in an alcoholic rehab facility. This all happened when I was 1 year old. I remember my mom a bit more. She did her best to keep me away from my dad. When she went to the hospital she left me with my grandma. She went to the hospital a lot. Her condition deteriorated quickly, and the dark circles under her eyes deepened. The only picture I have of her in my head is her pallor face and bald head. One day she went to the hospital and never came back. This is when my grandma and I moved. I had just turned 2.

I don't remember where I lived before then, and I didn't care. Knowing would make it feel more real. I think of my early life as a bad dream, out of focus and cloaked in fog, as if the memories were staged behind a humid window. That's the way I liked it. My grandma was my family. Living with her in Big Sur, California... that's where I found my identity. Well, I thought I found my identity until my grandma passed away. I was 17 and my birthday was 5 days away. She slept in that day. She wouldn't open her eyes. That's when I knew that I needed to leave California; turns out I also left behind Madison Vogel, the girl who loved computers and traveling and being happy. Somewhere between California and Texas, on a silent desert road, I lost myself. I lost my passion for what I loved. I had no idea what it would take for me to find it again.

Thank you so much for reading the prologue! I really hope you enjoyed it! Also, below is a closer look at the book cover. Please feel free to comment and share, and I hope that you'll stick with me as I continue writing this story! ☆☆☆

- c :)