Running Through Rivers

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen - Cassidy's POV

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The nurse bandaged my hand without too many questions; I told her I'd punched a wall because the maths questions were too hard, and she kind of backed off after that. I was left to sit by myself on the edge of the bed, waiting for the painkillers to set in.

I looked up as the door opened, revealing Austin with a cut lip, new bruises on his face just starting to form.

"Alex?" I murmured, and Austin nodded sheepishly, taking a seat on the bed beside me.

"He was making up shit about you, I couldn't just sit there and let him do that. I think he's still unconcious, but I wasn't about to stay and find out."

"Thanks," I said, feeling my knuckles start to ache again as thoughts of Alex filled my head. One in particular kept coming back, a question wanting to be answered.

"Austin...what did Alex mean when he called you a hypocrite? What's he holding against you?"

Austin laughed coldly, wringing his hands together as he looked at me. "I've done some stupid things in my short sixteen years, Cass, but this? This is the worst thing yet."

"That doesn't answer my question."

He looked away, down at his feet, as he stammered, "Last night....at the party. I was drunk, Cass, you've got to believe that I would never have done it otherwise....It was the alcohol, I swear.....I.....uhm....shit, I'm just gunna say it......I kissed him, Cass, I kissed Alfie."

I blinked.

I took a deep breath and stood up.

And then, for the second time that day, I snapped.

"You arse! You unbelievable frikin arse! How could you? And with Alfie, of all people?! What the hell have I ever done to you to deserve this? I've been supportive. I stood up for you when Alex was being a idiot. I forgave you for being a coward with Aunt Frankie. I took full responsibly of Sophie while you went off and played football. But no, obviously none of that counts for anything, seeing as you suddenly felt the need to kiss one of my only friends! Why would you do that? Screw around with Alfie just to have a laugh with your team mates did you? Well, congratulations. Not only have you ruined my friendship with Alfie, you've also ruined any chance of me trusting you. Ever again."

"Cass, I-"

"You know what makes it worse? Is that you don't even care how Alfie feels. You used him in one of your silly little pranks, but you know what, Austin? This time, this time you've gone too far."

"Cassidy, listen, I-'

"And how do you think this will affect you? You must have realised how bad this would look for you. Do you want everyone in the entire school thinking you're-"

Austin's head shot up, his eyes dark and his face a blank mask as he looked up at me.

"That's right, say it. I'm gay, Cassidy, I'm fucking GAY, alright?!" he spat.

His sudden outburst made me freeze momentarily, like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Wait.....wh...what did you just say?"

"I'm.....I'm gay, Cass. A homosexual freak," he muttered. Austin ran his hands through his hair as he rested his elbows on his knees and looked at the floor.

I sat down again, stunned. Neither of us said anything and, for the longest time, all I could hear was the clock ticking repetitively on the wall, and the sound of his breathing, accompanied with deep, shaky sighs.

If finally broke the silence with one of the many questions that were whirling around inside my head.

"How long? Have you known, I mean."

"Long enough to know it's not a phase. I'm stuck like this forever."

"Being....gay....isn't a bad thing. Don't treat it like some sort of disease," I scolded.

"I know. I know. But, it's hard not to, when everyone thinks it's disgusting." Austin muttered, scuffing his shoes against the polished floor.

So that's what Tiffany was talking about. Austin. Not Alex. I ground my teeth. "No. People who thinks it's wrong are disgusting," I corrected.

"Wait," a sudden thought occurred to me, causing me to frown, "But, you were flirting with that girl Heidi a few days ago, and I always see you talking to one girl or another."

"They flirt with me, not the other way around. I just don't have the heart to tell them they aren't my type."

Another thought made my stomach churn. "Does.....does that mean Alfie is gay too?" I whispered.

Austin shook his head, still firmly lacing his fingers through his tousled hair.

"No. He backed away as soon as it happened. He made it very clear that he wasn't into 'that sort of thing'. I don't even know why I did it, Cass, honestly I don't. I don't fancy him, I swear. I just.....got caught in the moment."

I shook my head bitterly. "That doesn't excuse what you did."

"I know, I know, but it just sort of......happened. Believe me, Cass, I never intentionally went after Alfie. I just.....it just...."

"I've had enough of your excuses, Austin." I cut him off, "Sure, sometimes you're there for me, but, more often then not, I'm the one having to be there for you. Or Sophie. Or whoever. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people. I'm sick of school and responsibly and drama and pain and abuse and life. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I just can't."

I stood up, shakily walking out of the room and leaving Austin to wallow in his own self-pity. He called after me but I broke out into a sprint and ran outside, away from everyone. Away from everything. I couldn't deal with it, there was too much information to take in. Alex smoking pot. Alfie ignoring me. Austin kissing Alfie. Austin being gay. Everything was swirling around until my head was swimming with painful memories of every crap thing that had happened in my life.

Mum's depression and suicide. Dad's drink addiction. His violence and abuse. Sophie's terminal illness. Austin's dishonesty.

Love. Heart break. Pain. Anger. Hate. All of these emotions and feelings were slamming against my insides, shattering any light that could pull me through the darkness, and ripping me into shreds.

At some point, I must have subconsciously decided where I was going. As a car zoomed past, blaring it's horn, I stumbled on the curb, pulling myself out of my thoughts. I looked up, and saw the word that made a tidal wave of memories wash over me. They weren't nessisarily good memories, but there were better then the ones that had previously occupied my thoughts. This was the one place that I felt at peace. The one place I felt calm, even though the thought that I would one day end up here terrified me. The one place that was utterly silent, yet filled with hundreds of people.

I took a deep breath and unlatched the rough iron gate, another surge of memories flooding back as the gate swung open. I stepped through, under the tall archway with the sign that scared little children, and brung sadness to the elderly.

The sign groaned slightly in the afternoon breeze.

Welcome, to Greybourne Cemetery.