Running Through Rivers

Chapter Ten

Chapter Ten - Cassidy's POV

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I continued to cry into Austin's shirt for a good 20 minutes, until Austin mentioned the dark clouds above our heads, and suggested we find shelter.

We walked into Starbucks as droplets of rain began falling from the sky, and Austin went to order some coffee using the 'borrowed' credit card. I sat down at a table near the back, drawing patterns on the table with my finger as I waited for Austin to return.

I tried not to think about Sophie too much, knowing that if I did the pain would return and I would end up having a melt down in front of the few dozen people that occupied the seats around me. Instead, I thought about the other thing that had been buzzing in the back of my mind, refusing to be neglected.

"Why does Aunt Frankie hate you so much?" I stated.

Austin had just arrived with the drinks, and he slid one towards me as he sat in the chair opposite. He froze at my question, obviously not expecting it.

"I mean, I know that she thinks you are obnoxious and football-obsessed which, mostly, you are," I continued, teasing him. He smirked slightly as he stirred his coffee.

"But, why does she blame you for Mum...you know...dying? I asked, seriously.

Austin shifted uneasily in his seat and continued to stare at the cup in front of him. "Cass, there are things that you should share, and things that are better off forgotten. This is the latter."

"Austin, please, you obviously know something that I don't. I need to understand why Aunt Frankie is so hateful towards you."

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "Cassidy, just drop it okay-"

"Tell me, Austin," I interrupted, "Tell me what I'm missing here."

Austin stared at me, his lips tightly shut.

"Fine," I said, standing up and retrieving my bag from beside my feet, "If you're not going to tell me, I guess I'll just have to ask her myself."

"Sit down and stop being such a drama queen, Cass." Austin sighed.

"Not until you tell me."

"You're worse then So...." he stopped himself mid-sentence, but I already knew what he was about to say.

Sophie.

I slumped back into my seat and wrapped my hands around my coffee cup, suddenly feeling emotionally and physically weak. "Please." I whispered.

Austin pursed his lips. "It's my fault."

"What? Austin, no it's not. How were you to know she was depressed? None of us knew, not even Dad."

Austin looked up from his hands and stared at me, his eyes full of an emotion I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"But, that's the thing, Cass. I did. I knew."

I sat quietly as he continued.


Austin's POV

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"It was a few months after Sophie was born, when Dad had gone back to work and you were in your 'Don't eat meat - Save the Animals' phase." We both smiled slightly at the memory.

"Anyway, like I said, Dad was out at work and you were at some Green Peace meeting or something, and I came out of my room to get some food. I walked into the kitchen and saw Mum at the table, crying. Not just like she'd seen a dead puppy, but crying like the world was about to cave in around her. I asked her what was wrong, and she wouldn't say anything. I didn't know what to do. I asked her if I should call Dad, but she just shook her head and said that was the last thing she wanted. So I said I'd be in my room if she needed me, and left her to it. Stupid thirteen-year-old me thought 'Oh, she'll be alright, she probably just needs to eat some chocolate or something.

"So, I went back to my room and kept playing video games. I heard Sophie start crying, but I thought Mum would come up and see her, so I didn't do anything for about 10 minutes. Sophie was still crying so I got up to see what was wrong. I called down from the top of the stairs that Soph was crying, but I got no reply. I went down to the kitchen to see why Mum wasn't answering, but she wasn't there. Or in the lounge. Or in her bedroom. So, I tried the bathroom."

I heard Cassidy inhale sharply. We both knew what was coming next. We knew it like the ending of a predictable children's book. But this was no fairytale story. There was no happily ever after.

"I turned the handle, and it was locked, so I knocked on the door and told her that Sophie was crying. She still didn't answer, but I could tell that she was in there because I could hear the bath running. I got worried that she might have fallen asleep in the bath or something, so I picked the lock and opened the door. And, well, you know the rest."

I closed my eyes as the painful flashbacks started up, each one harsher and more detailed then the last.

A flooded bathroom. Water tinted with red. Neglected razor. Slashed wrists. Blood everywhere. Screams. My screams.

And one word. A word which was echoing in my head. My innocence had been crushed with that word. The word they kept repeating. Writing. Whispering. Thinking.


Suicide.