Dear Ivy

Ivish

Day 40
Dear Diary,
I think there's something wrong with me I'm so selfish. My own mother turned against me again and now Louis is getting the whole town to hate me I can't even go to church anymore my pastor won't look at me he won't even baptizes Ivy he now says Ivy is the devils child and that she belongs with an older family. The town is now telling me I should just give her up and they're constantly telling me that I'm a horrible mother. I'm trying really hard to stay strong but I don't know if I can do this anymore. Ivy was crying and crying and I couldn't get her to stop weeping so I shook her until she stopped. She didn't wake up for a really long time and I thought that I killed her. If I would've killed her I would've never forgave myself I wouldn't even be able to live with myself I would probably kill myself. She's getting older and it's getting harder. I'm sleep deprived my nipples are sore and I haven't bathed in days because no one will help me and I don't trust anyone with her I'm scared that if I let Louis watch her that she'll steal Ivy from me and I'll never be able to see her again. I sometimes think Ivy is better off without me I somethings think I just want to keep Ivy because she's apart of Ellis and I'm just trying to cling onto the little part of him left.
See you later Alligator -Reagan