FOREVER || MGC [COMPLETED]

|| GONER ||

"They will play a game and say they know what you're going through and I tried to come up with an artistic way to say they don't know you, and neither do I"

Tyler Josephs voice came rapping out of the speakers on my phone, the sadness hitting every inch of me as I lay on the cold floor breathing and trying not to let my cries scream out, I couldn't let my mother hear me for the fifth time this week scream out on the floor, I couldn't let her come running to me and help me up, this was my fault, my own doing and I was ready to just give up and stop her from hearing. 

Night after night all I did was cry, it was the only time I could feel something and I wasn't sure why, I didn't understand why I felt this way or why I felt like my life depended on people talking to me, to make sure I wasn't alone, my school therapist knew me better than anyone as I always visited him, during lessons I'd make an excuse and go see him to talk about why I felt the way I did, sometimes I had appointments, other times I didn't, either way it was nice to get everything off my chest but sometimes I couldn't get the words to form and come out, now it was even more difficult since we moved, I had to go to a new school and I didn't want too. 

When I finally gave up crying, I laid and stared at the ceiling, wondering why I didn't want to go to school, why I didn't want to make new friends, why I didn't want to go and make a new character for myself, that was always my favorite thing, to create something new of myself to show to someone I hadn't met before so they left with this idea of who I am when I'm not that person, it was nice sometimes, just sometimes.

I'm not a lonely person, I never was, I had people who I spent time with in school and outside of school, I had plenty of people on my friends list on Facebook and I had a bunch of followers on Twitter who I engaged with regularly, but I was a lonely person, I felt alone even when I wasn't, even if someone was talking to me face to face there would be something deep down that felt like there was a hole, that nothing could block up, I guess that's why I was afraid to go to this new school, maybe that was why I was afraid to talk to anyone new who I hadn't made friends with on social media, my last schools haven't been different, I moved the same with pretty much everyone in my classes and years, but this was different, we had moved to Sydney. 

When I decided to pick myself up I threw myself onto my bed and hugged my teddy bear, I didn't want to get up in seven hours, I didn't want to prepare to go somewhere new where everyone would treat you different, I wanted to be home, I wanted to be at my school with my friends, I wanted to go back home.

LDN ⇢ AUS