It was beautiful. Two double cheeseburgers loaded with the works. Not to mention a heaping side of homestyle fries. I could cry.
"This was the best idea you've ever had." Dean said before biting into his burger. He grinned. "This is heaven itself. Beautiful, delicious, fattening heaven."
I watched him as he closed his eyes, nothing but pure bliss across his face. It was a cheeseburger. A damn cheeseburger, and this kid was grinning like he won a state championship. He's an interesting guy, I'll give him that.
"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me." Dean said looking at me, laughing as he shoved three fries into his mouth. I knew he was kidding. Hell, I knew it meant absolutely nothing, and yet that damn tingling sensation filled my stomach. Stop it, I cursed myself. Dean wiped the corner of his mouth with his sleeve. "I swear I would have died in this crap town if it wasn't for you."
I grabbed a fry, throwing it into my mouth, trying to ignore the butterflies consuming my stomach. "Speaking of dying alone in this town... how long are you boys sticking around?" It wasn't a question I wanted to ask really. I knew their story, so I knew they didn't stay in one place for very long. It just kind if slipped out since it had been on my mind from the very second we met.
Dean's grin faded quicker than I expected. "Uh, not sure." His voice was low, gritty like gravel. I mentally punched myself in the face for swooning. "Probably another week or so. That's the usual anyway. We haven't seen dad in a while so I don't know what he's up to."
I nodded. I knew what that was like, having your only parent leave for days at a time. The only difference was I wasn't all too sad to see him go. In fact, I practically worshipped my time alone. My heart began to race just thinking about his return, whenever that would be. I pushed those thoughts quickly out of my mind.
Dean was finishing the last few fries on his plate, scooping up the remaining bits of ketchup. I sighed as I watched him. I didn't want Dean to leave. We had only known each other a few days, but it felt like months. I don't know what it is about him, but I really don't want to lose whatever the hell this was. I couldn't. Like it or not, he was the only damn thing keeping me from jumping off a cliff.
"You know, I heard there was a haunting not too far from here." I shrugged, acting cool. I had to do something to push all the cliche chick flick nonsense from my head. Dean's smile stretched the edges of his lips. "We could check it out, you know, if you want?"
"Are you kidding? I'm always down to kill some supernatural sons of bitches." Dean said, slamming some money on the table. "Let's go!"
He grabbed my hand, yanking me from my seat. It was hard and calloused, creating friction against my palm. I didn't mind. Hell, mine were just as damaged. Dean dragged me out of the diner, squeezing my hand as we passed our waitress. I shouted a quick "thank you" before Dean had a chance to pull me through the front door. She smiled and waved.
xxxxxxxx
"I can't believe your dad left you the impala." I said, taking another sip of the stale beer Dean managed to find in the incredibly sketchy motel room he and his brother were staying in.
He nodded, laughing. "Gave it to me for my 18th. He always borrows some poor suckers car when he goes out hunting now."
I shook my head. "This is sweet. Plus the arsenal in the truck is super handy."
Dean lifted his bottle, draining the last few drops. He tossed it into the front seat, grabbing another from the floor. "So, how about you completely forgetting to salt the second story window?" He burst into laugher. "That ghost almost ganked us because of you!"
"It was a one time mistake!" I laughed, gulping back more of the ale. "We got it in the end didn't we?"
"Yeah. We did this messed up town a service. We should be treated as warriors."
"Damn straight." I grinned. It was a few minutes before the smile faded from my cheeks. Being around him did that to me. I hated it.
We didn't talk for a while; just sat there in the quiet, listening to the crickets chirping outside. It was nice, really. No one needed to say anything to enjoy being there, in each others presence. I noticed I was biting my lip. Nervous habit.
Dean turned to me, staring in the silence for much too long. The complete acceptance and kindness in his eyes sent chills down my spine. I haven't had someone look at me like that in years. Now, when I saw that I'm not being over dramatic. I don't exactly have a picture perfect home life. This kid seriously looked at me like I was worth something. It was a new feeling. I wasn't ready to let that go.
I bite my lip. I could tell where this was heading. Dean turned his body towards me, not saying a word. He reached forward, brushing a fallen strand of hair from my eyes and wrapped it delicately behind my ear. My hands were practically shaking.
I watched as Dean leaned in, closer to me, slowly closing his eyes. My heart was literally in my stomach. I couldn't do this.
"How about some tunes?" I said frantically, pushing my way to the front seat.
"Only if you play the good stuff." Dean shook his head, laughing as he leaned back against the seat. He didn't seem to take offense. He was a much nicer guy than he puts on.
I wish I wasn't so stupid. I wish I could have just kissed him, but I just couldn't. Not now. Not with him, as much as I want to, and damn it I really wanted to. But, he's really the only guy I've connected with since I got into this life. The only person really. I couldn't let myself get attached to him in that way. I'd never be able to let him go.
I grabbed my bag, pulling out an old cd.
"You just carry CDs with you at all times? You don't even have a car!" Dean slurred, laughing.
"I do that for this exact occasion, Winchester."
"You sit in the back seat of impalas drinking beer with attractive men often?" Dean teased.
A laugh escaped my lips as I shook my head. "Just shut up and be amazed."
I pushed the cd into the slot, and fell back against the seat. The music began to fill the car, starting quiet but building slow. Electric guitar pierced the air.
The lyrics began to pour through the speakers, practically forcing me to sing along. "She was a fast machine she kept her motor clean, She was the best damn woman that I ever seen!"
Dean shouted over the music. "I should have known you were a classic rock fan. I love this song!"
Before I knew what was happening, Dean had bust out an air guitar and he was singling along. His voice was low and raspy, falling in and out of pitch. I felt weak.
We sang along to every track on the cd, downing beers and fighting the urge to move closer to one another. When the air fell into the silence, Dean sighed. "Man, kinda wish that went on forever."
I nodded. My sleeve lifted for just a moment and I was able to see the time on my watch. 1:28am.
"Shit." I laughed. "Do you know how late it is?"
Dean shook his head. "Who cares? We don't exactly have parents to scold us."
"True. But I bet Sam's wondering where you are."
"Nope," Dean took another swig. "I told him I'd be out late hours ago."
I couldn't help but let the blood rush to my cheeks. I smiled. "I really should go though. We have class in the morning, remember? You did promise Sam that you'd at least try to not to fail biology."
Dean groaned. "Uh fine." He chugged the rest of the beer, then looked at the empty bottle in his hand. "Shit. Guess I can't drive you home, huh?"
I shrugged. "My place is only about a twenty minute walk from here. I can manage."
I reached for the door and pulled myself out of the impala. Before I knew it, Dean was by my side.
"Please tell me you didn't think I'd let you walk home by yourself."
"Since when did you become such a gentleman?" I laughed, grabbing my backpack from the seat.
"Always was. It's just one of those things you only get to see if I like you enough." Dean grinned. He jogged to catch up with me. Once he was walking along my side, it was silent for a long time. I wasn't exactly sure what to say. I could tell by the way our hands brushed every so often that things were developing in a way that would surely end horribly for both of us. Hunters don't get to be in relationships. Especially if he's leaving next week and I'm likely to never see him again.
He tucked his hands into his pockets as we walked. He seemed to be pretty content with the silence, almost as if it was a comfort to him. I guess I had been staring at him for too long, because he began to stare back.
"What?" He said through the grin across his lips.
"Nothing," I shrugged, forcing a strand of hair behind my ear.
He shook his head. "Oh come on, (y/n). We both know it's not nothing."
"Fine." I sighed, kicking the little stones on the pavement as we walked. "I don't want you to leave."
"Who says I'm leaving?" Dean asked casually. He winked at me.
I rolled my eyes, frustration growing much quicker than I anticipated. Then it exploded. "I'm not joking, Dean. Your dad's going to show up in a few days and you're going to be gone, quite literally forever. That's it, ok? That's the end. And I'm just going to be here, without you, and that just really sucks. I've been on my own practically my whole life and then you come along, out of nowhere, and just..." I sighed, giving myself a break before my heart leapt from my chest. "You make me feel like I don't have to. When you're around, I feel less... empty. I just don't want to be here in this crap town without you, alone."
It all spilled out before I had a chance to stop it. I could feel my hands violently shaking. I tired to squeeze them shut, anything to stop it before he could see. If you ever knew one thing about me, it was that I do not, under any circumstances, talk about my feelings. Life is not a chick flick. Being vulnerable isn't cute, it gets you killed; in this line of work anyway. I closed my eyes, cursing at myself for letting all that out. God only knows what he must think of me now. Pathetic comes to mind rather easily.
Dean didn't say anything for a while. "I didn't know you felt that way."
"Of course you did." I forced a smile. "I have a very strict rule about not making friends because of this life. You're the only person I've ever broken it for. You knew."
He nodded, running his fingers through his hair. "Yeah, caught. I'm normally a really good liar."
"Guess I can read you."
Dean shook his head. "That's new for me. I don't know how I feel about it." A grin lifted his lips. A goddamn genuine smile, at that. He didn't care that I just completely went off on him and probably sounded like the most clingy girlfriend in history and we weren't even dating. He just made his jokes and smiled at me and all of a sudden I didn't feel as pathetic. He made me feel like I couldn't do wrong to him. This boy is going to kill me.
I smiled, elbowing him in his arm. I didn't notice my hands had stopped shaking. "Just don't go running off before you have to, ok?"
"I swear to you on all that is holy in this world, I'm not going anywhere until my Dad drags me kicking and screaming." Dad said, a lightness in his voice. But the look he gave me after he said it, so calm, so at peace, made me think he wasn't kidding. A soft smile lifted the left corner of his cheeks. "I don't like being alone either."
If there was ever going to be a moment where I would explode on the spot, now would be it. I had to fight every impulse in my body to stop myself from jumping into his arms, and kissing him like I should have hours ago.
Suddenly, I felt Dean's hand slip into mind. I looked up to him in confusion, but he was still facing forward, a wide grin upon his lips. So then I did something entirely against my better judgement. I interlocked my fingers with his and squeezed his hand. I wasn't sure why. Maybe to tell him thank you, or to remind him that I was here. Maybe I just wanted to feel more of him. I don't know. But damn, I was in serious trouble.
We kept walking for a while, neither one of us saying anything. Now and then he would rub his thumb along the back of my hand, tracing circles in this skin. It was a comfort, really, and I couldn't help but smile. I tried so hard to hide it from him, but he saw. Turned out, I didn't care all that much.
I looked up, finally seeing my house in the distance. Something was off; there was a silver Honda in the driveway that shouldn't be there. My pulse quickened as I stopped dead in my tracks, letting go of Dean's hand. No. No, God, no. I felt myself back up a few paces, bringing my hands to my mouth.
"Hey you alright?" Dean asked, grabbing my shoulders. "(Y/n)?" He said again when I didn't respond.
I snapped myself out of my daze, letting my hands fall back to my sides. I forced my voice to be as calm as possible. "Everything's fine, I have to go."
I pushed ahead of Dean, hoping he would turn around and head back home. But he didn't. Of course he didn't. He chased after me.
"(Y/n)! (Y/n), come on talk to me." He placed his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to stop. "Please."
My breath was heavy. This wasn't exactly something I wanted him to know about me. He'd think I was weak. Worthless. I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let him see me like that. Not after everything that had happened tonight. He couldn't know I was even more pathetic than I had let on.
"Just go home Dean." I growled, my whole demeanor changing.
He shook his head. "Look I don't need answers from you. You don't have to tell me anything. But I can see you're freaked. You can stay with me and Sam tonight back at the motel. No questions, ok? Just come with me."
He grabbed my hand, tenderly, trying to pull me towards him.
I pushed him away. "No, Dean. It's fine. Just, please, go."
He stared at me with such sadness in his eyes. I didn't expect him to care this much and I cursed myself for putting both of us in this position. It was stupid and reckless. Dean sighed, knowing nothing he could say could get me to go with him. Then suddenly he looked to me, his expression stern. "You call me if you need me, understand? I don't care what it is. I don't care what time. You call."
I forced a smile. "I promise."
"I'll see you tomorrow?" Dean asked, rubbing his hand along my shoulder.
I nodded weakly. "Yeah."
Dean began to walk away, but he didn't turn around. He walked backwards, keeping an eye on me as I made my way to the porch. I stared at the golden knob for a while before I could bring myself to turn it. I felt my stomach drop as I stepped inside.
I should have gone with him.
