It was darker than it normally was inside the cool space of the living room, or maybe that was just my imagination. In the distance I spotted a figure and my heart nearly stopped. The man sat on the couch, facing the door, staring right into my eyes; an empty bottle of whiskey in his left hand.
"Where have you been?" He growled, standing to his feet. I didn't respond as he moved closer, causing me to step back. My back pressed against the front door, leaving no where for me to go. I felt myself wishing Dean were here; to make me feel safe again. But it was useless. He wasn't here. I was completely and entirely alone.
"Do you know what time it is?" He spat, inches from my face. "I come back from a hunt, something I do to protect this family, provide for this family, and I find my daughter has been off gallivanting with some boy!"
He raised his hand, palm open, and held it in the air for a brief moment before it turned into a quick blur. I closed my eyes as the sting on my cheek threatened tears. I held them in.
"Disrespect!" He shouted, grabbing a hold of my arm and yanked me from my cowering stance. He threw me against the glass cabinet, sending a wall of pain down my spine. I was lucky it didn't shatter. "How dare you, you ungrateful bitch!"
The next thing I knew, he was towering over me, his hand raised again. Only this time his fingers curled into a fist. I tried to crawl away, grasping at the wooden floors that were completely unforgiving. I screamed, but I knew no one would come. They never did. It was pointless, and yet I couldn't stop myself.
He grabbed my leg, pulling me back towards him. His long and sharp nails dug into my skin as he turned me around to face him. "Don't you see, (y/n)? You don't leave me a choice!"
That's when his fist collided with my cheekbone. I felt skin break. Blood dripped down my skin and landed delicately against the wooden floors.
"I have to punish you, or you won't learn!" He shouted, sending another blow to the same wound. "You make me do this!"
My head was pounding, my vision blurring. I knew I was going to pass out soon if he didn't stop. There was only one thing I could do; one one thing that worked every time. I had to give in.
I raised a hand in surrender. "Please," I managed to choke out, blood spilling from my lips. "I'm sorry. It- It won't happen again. I'll... never see him again. I swear."
He nodded, the anger seeming to drain from his face instantly. He stood up, wiping my blood on his pants as if it were dirt. "Ok sweetheart, I believe you." He said, a smile upon his face. I felt sick.
He watched me as I stood, my legs shaking under me. I struggled to regain my balance despite my splitting headache.
My father took a step closer to me, his face growing stern again. "But you hear me now: If I see you around that boy again, your punishment will be a hell of a lot worse than this. I know who he is and who is damn father is. They're no good, (y/n). Go near that boy again, and it's over."
I nodded, my heart threatening to beat out of my chest. He closed his eyes, a sudden warmth coming over him. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. Now head to bed. You don't want to miss school tomorrow, do you?"
He wasn't asking. I shook my head no. He grinned.
"Good. Get some rest." He reached for the empty bottle on the floor and carried it into the kitchen, leaving me standing alone in the darkness, a pit in my stomach threatening to consume me.
When I woke, my alarm had been going off for the past half hour. I scrambled to my feet. Shit shit shit. I had exactly 4 minutes to get ready before I had to run to school. I sprinted to my dresser, throwing on any old shirt I could find and a pair of ragged jeans from the bottom drawer.
I had just about everything together when I spotted my reflection from the corner of my eye. My heart stopped.
I rushed to the mirror, reaching my hands to my face to examine the damage. There was a wicked bruise along my left cheekbone, with a trail of dried blood and broken skin. My eye was somewhat swollen, too. But lost of the damage seemed to be concentrated on the left side. It shouldn't be too hard to cover up. Hell, I've done it before and no one has called child services yet so I should be in the clear. If I didn't have 38 seconds. Shit.
I grabbed the concealer from my dresser and sprinted down the hall. I snatched my backpack on my way out the door and slammed it shut behind me.
My lungs were heavy as I ran. The school was only 2 miles from my house. I normally walked and left myself plenty of time, but I was used to this. I'd sleep through my alarm every so often and if have to sprint to make it to my first class. As I ran I grabbed the concealer from my back pocket and tried to open the cap. I really didn't have time for this.
The cap fumbled under my shaking fingers and I somehow managed to drop the whole thing into the gutter. I pulled myself to an abrupt stop. The tube made a splash as it hit the floor of the sewer. I groaned.
"You have got to me kidding me." I growled under my breath.
This was not going to be a good day. I should go back. I really should. I can't afford for people to see me like this. I felt my heart burn. Especially Dean.
I was just about to turn around and run home when I heard my name shouted in the distance. The school principle. Goddammit it all to hell.
"(Y/n)!" He shouted, waving at me. As he moved closer I pulled my hood over my head, trying to shield the left side of my face from his view. "Come on it, you made it just in time."
"Excellent," I groaned.
I stepped inside the halls and they were just as loud and annoying as ever. Keeping my head down, I made my way to my locker. No one bothered me or asked me what was wrong, because frankly they didn't care. That's how I wanted it. I began to adjust the combination on my locker, hoping I wouldn't run into Dean. He sat on my right side in class anyway, so there was a real chance I could keep it hidden. Id just have to run out of here as fast as I could before lunch or he's sure to notice.
But reality wasn't so kind.
"Hey," Dean said, leaning against the locker next to mine. He wore a simple yet startling beautiful smile across his lips. "I thought for a second I wouldn't see you this morning."
I forced a laugh, yanking on my hood to make sure it was still covering my face. "I'm here, aren't I?"
He nodded, crossing his arms. "So what was up with you last night? Is everything ok?"
I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye. His expression was entirely genuine and it was pissing me off. Where was the Dean Winchester I heard stories about? The one that leaves a trail of women in his wake and doesn't give a flying shit for anyone but his family. Because I could really use that right now. Not whatever this is.
"Hey," Dean reached forward, touching my shoulder.
I shook him off. A bit too coldly, really. Dean noticed. He stepped back.
"What's going on with you?" He asked. His voice wasn't harsh and critical like I imagined it would be. It was soft, slow, and incredibly kind. I hated it. I hated it so much. Why couldn't he just be the pig headed jerk everyone thought he was?
I shook my head. "Nothing, Dean. Just go to class, I'll meet you there."
"(Y/n), come on." Dean unfolded his arms, and grabbed my hand, stroking the skin with his thumb. "I'm not good at this kind of stuff, but I'm trying here. It's more I've ever done for... well anyone."
I sighed. Somehow, something inside me was begging to tell him. It was tearing at me how much I wanted him to know; how much I was craving his comfort. But I couldn't. I couldn't let him see me like that. I couldn't let him pity me. I couldn't.
"Just go away," I muttered, closing my locker and pushing past him.
He chased after me. "No, (y/n) just listen-"
Dean grabbed my arm and forced me to a stop. My body wasn't so much in my control as it was his, so it turned around to face him. Judging by the his expression of horror, I knew my hood had fallen off. I stared at him for a moment, watching his eyes at they traced my face. He reached out, in some sort of attempt to touch it but I pulled away.
"I have to get to class."
"No, you don't." Dean said, firmly this time. He grabbed my hand and dragged me into the nearest closet. "We're going to talk about this."
He reached up and pulled the metal string connecting to a single lightbulb. It didn't lessen the darkness much, but it allowed me to see his face.
"This is really cliche, you know that right?" I couldn't help but grin, pointing at the bulb. Dean didn't seem to think it was funny.
"Who did this?" He said, reaching forward and cupping my face in his hands. He examined the wound, resting his thumb on the bruise only for a moment until I flinched. He released me, realization spreading through his eyes. "Your dad got back from his hunting trip."
He didn't ask. He knew.
"That's why you were so freaked. You saw his car." Dean shook his head, running his fingers through his hair, confusion filling his features. "Why would you go in there if you knew this would happen? You could have stayed with me and Sam."
He straightened up, nodding his head, not even giving me a chance to interject. "That's what you'll do. You'll stay with us. However long it takes. I'm not letting you go back there."
"And then what, Dean?" I barked. He was taken back. I didn't expect to raise my voice at him, but it was happening and I couldn't stop the words from spilling out. "Please tell me what your plan is! Because if I did that, the second you leave I wouldn't have a choice but to go back home and I seriously don't think it would end well for me. I'd rather just take it in small spurts instead of prolonging it until he explodes and kills me."
Dean's jaw dropped ever so slightly. "What do you mean, 'take it'? You don't fight back?" He questioned. There was that critical voice I was looking for. I wasn't so sure I wanted it now.
Still, I rolled my eyes. "You don't know anything about this, Dean."
"I know enough! Your dad is beating the shit out of you and you just sit there and let him!" His face was getting red with anger. Why did he care so much? Why wouldn't he just leave it alone?
"I don't need you to save me, Dean." I growled. "I'm not some broken rag doll. Stop treating me like I can't take care of myself."
"Because you can't!" He yelled. "You obviously can't! I've seen you fight. We've hunted together, (y/n)! I know for a fact you could fight him off if you wanted to. You could take him down. But you don't. Why is that?!"
I shook my head, a burning rage stirred in my chest. "Screw you, Dean."
I turned my back to him and pushed open the closet door. The halls were empty. He followed me on my heels.
"(Y/n)," Dean started but I cut him off, his voice was much softer now.
"You don't know anything about me, Dean. We only met a weak ago. You don't know anything." I said, though I didn't really believe it. I knew there was something here and he knew it too. It scared the living crap out of me.
"We both know that doesn't mean shit." Dean said, his expression losing all trace of anger and frustration. He sighed, looking at the ground for a moment before he raised his eyes to me. "Let me help you."
"I don't want your help." I said, my voice came out much weaker than I intended. "Just stay away from me, ok?"
He stared at me, his expression unreadable. Then, he turned on his heels and walked away, just as I had asked him to. Everything inside me screamed for him to come back.
A week later, the bruising finally began to heal and the cuts on my cheek closed up. My dad left for another hunt the morning after the accident. I hadn't seen him since. I also haven't talked to Dean. Turns out his dad extended their stay. They might be here a full month now. I should be with him. I should be spending what little time he had with him. But I'm not. Because I'm a freaking idiot.
I bought a new concealer so I was able to cover up what little bruise there was left. I ran into Sam a few times in the hallway. He always asked if I was alright. Nice kid, like I said.
I looked to my right. Dean's desk sat empty. You would think I'd be relieved, considering I've forced him to stay away from me. But I'm not. Even if he's just there, not speaking to me or looking at me, I feel whole. It's sounds stupid. I can hear the cliche bells ringing in my head telling me to shut up. Believe me, I know. But he makes me feel like I don't have a hole in my chest. I miss him like crazy, but I keep my mouth shut. As the bell ran to relieve us from the horror of biology, I grabbed my things and headed straight for the door. I stepped out into the nearly empty hallway, and felt my stomach drop.
Well, I found Dean. Except he was wrapped around a petite blonde, his lips colliding and gnawing at hers. I watched as his hands ran up and down her back, hungrily. I felt sick. But I couldn't seem to look away. His eyes caught mine for a moment, and he pulled back. He stared at me though I couldn't quite place his expression. Was he angry? Upset? I couldn't tell. I turned away before I could figure it out.
Before I knew it, I was running. Running down the halls and out the doors. I couldn't take it. But how could I blame him? We were never together and I practically forced him out of my life. Of course he found someone like her. She was beautiful. Pure. Whole.
I stopped running when I reached the edge of school grounds. Throwing my backpack aside, I sat down on the grass, my knees to my chest. I closed my eyes, and let out a heavy groan.
"He's doing it to get your attention, you know that right?"
I lifted my head to see Sam Winchester staring down at me. He didn't give me much choice to object to his presence since he sat down next to me.
"Dean's mad at you for throwing away what little time you guys have here. He thinks you're being selfish." Sam said, shrugging his shoulder.
I laughed, sincerely. "Selfish? You're joking."
Sam shook his head. "Nope." He sighed. "I've ever seen him act the way he did around you. Stupid, really. He doesn't care about much about anything, but I can tell he cares about you. He's pissed you made him feel that way, I think."
"I didn't do anything. He can shove it up his ass." My voice came out much harsher than I intended. I sighed. I really shouldn't take my anger out on Sam. He was only trying to help. Don't shoot the messenger or some shit, right?
"The offer still stands, you know?" Sam said, looking at me. "You can always come stay with us."
I felt sick. "He told you?"
Sam shook his head. "I notice things, is all."
I nodded, sort of relieved that Dean kept my secret but plagued by the fact that Sam could tell just by looking at me. How many other people knew? How many people saw through my facade? Did they know how utterly helpless and pathetic I was? God, help me.
"He just wants to help." Sam said, a sadness in his voice I wasn't ready for. "That's just who he is. He wants to save everyone."
I looked at him and smiled lightly. "I know."
Neither of us said anything for a while. We simply stared out at the blue sky, the soft breeze, the leaves falling delicately from their branches. It was so peaceful. Sometimes I wished that I could just stay out here, staring at nothing, forever. It made me forget who I was, and what I had to deal with. I just don't want to remember that anymore.
After several minutes of lingering silence, Sam spoke up. "You could leave."
"What?" I asked, confused.
Sam shrugged nonchalantly. "You don't have to stay with us. You could still leave though. Get out. You could go anywhere."
I knew I could. Of course I knew that. I was 18 after all, a legal adult. But my dad had a very terrifying way of tracking me down. He'd done it before and the repercussions landed me in a back ally clinic for a week. Even if I could get away again, I wasn't all that sure I wanted to.
I shook my head, "It's a lot more complicated than that."
"Is it?" Sam questioned. "It seems to me that you stay not because you're scared to leave, but because you don't think you deserve to."
"Excuse me?" I said defensively, standing to my feet. Anger boiled inside of me. How dare he? How fucking dare this kid come out of no where and suggest something as stupid and ridiculous as that? It was insane. It was nonsense. It was complete bullshit.
He hit it right on the nail.
Sam scrambled to his feet, raising his arms in surrender. "I don't mean to offend you, honest. I don't know you every well, (y/n). But I'm telling you, you can leave. Whatever is keeping you there is something you can deal with on your own. It's in your head. You can leave."
I stared at him for a while, disbelief written all over my face. He genuinely believed in me. I don't where these stories I've been hearing about the Winchesters came from, but apparently they're all bullshit.
Then a hollow feeling came over me. Sam was so encouraging, so understanding.
It was all misplaced.
"You don't know what I've done." I mumbled, feeling the walls of my chest cave in. I wish it would just kill me already. I tried to suppress that memory for so long, and it was threatening to take me over again. I couldn't let that happen. I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut, trying anything to force it out of my head.
Then, I felt the warmth of Sam's hand on my arm. I opened my eyes again. Sam let out a small sigh, "It doesn't matter. I promise you, no matter what you think you did, or did do, it doesn't matter. No one deserves to be thrown around like that. Not ever."
"Where would I even go?" I managed to choke out, my voice barley above a whisper. I was on the brink of tears. I couldn't believe I was opening up to this kid. Scratch that. Yes I could. Sam was one of the nicest people I had literally ever known in my life. Damn Winchesters.
Sam shook his head, a sadness lingering in his expression. "I... I don't know."
