Don't Remind Me

Chapter 38: The Fire

"Why didn't you tell me sooner, Mama?"

"There was nothing to tell! All I had was a diagnosis, and a surgery date. What good would it have done to you or me? if I had told you sooner? Hmm?"

"I could have done SOMETHING!"

"Yeah. I forgot my daughter is an Oncologist specializing in breast cancer." She replied drily.

I could have prayed some more...

My hands tightened over the cellphone, eyes squeezed shut with worry.

Arguing with Mama is like, trying to reason with a brick wall. Zero emotion. Zero flexibility.

Honestly, sometimes I totally get why Dad left her.

"When are you coming home? Are you safe to travel?"

Silence.

"Mama?"

She hid a gasp of pain, and I tortured myself with an image of her lying alone in a London hospital, waiting for yet more post-op treatments, shots, more surgery preps...

"Laylee, I can't come home anytime soon." She said through gritted teeth. "I still have three more surgeries. This was just a lumpectomy. I am still waiting for the Radiotherapy appointment on the tenth."

"Mama, do you want me to fly over?" I asked desperately. And I felt desperate. So far away from her. Unable to see her with my own eyes. Dreading the changes that this disease will wreak on her body.

"Of course not, Layla. Don't be ridiculous. You just started that new brand with your friends, and I know you have a training conference coming up. Never compromise on your career, sweetheart. I think I have raised you to know this by now. Everything will pass. Husbands, looks, money, family even...all you really have to show for your life; is your work. If you're passionate about it, don't ever let anything come before it. Not even me." She exhaled tiredly before continuing, "There's one thing you can do for me though. Just keep an eye on Hayats. The Bridal Couture Week is coming up, and I know how much they need me there right now. Since I can't be there, I want you to fill in for me. Just drop in whenever you can...keep an eye on things...tell...tell Razi to walk you through my checklist 4 times. 4 times Laylee. Don't skimp on that."

"I won't skimp." I swallowed. "I'm praying so hard for you, Mama. Allah has to hear me now."

She laughed weakly.

"That's not how prayers work, sweetheart."

"Yes they do!" I replied fiercely.

"If you say so."

We were silent for a while, just listening to each other breathe.

"Maria is leaving for London in a couple of days. She couldn't stop crying, Mama. She is terrified for you." I informed her, knowing full well that she had specifically asked me to keep Maria busy with me, so she wouldn't panic. Obviously it didn't work out. Maria has the softest heart of us all. As soon as she heard about Mama's battle against cancer, she donned her armor, and flew out to save her mother.

"I see." Mama clipped, making me aware of her displeasure at this news.

"Zaif says you're not answering his calls. His Schengen Visa expired a while ago, and he can't apply again until next month"

"I know what he's going to say. And I know that it will just pain me more, to bother him." She sighed deeply, "It pains me to bother you too..."

Typical Sanam Hayat. She finds it impossible to comprehend, that sometimes, loved ones want to be bothered by her. She doesn't realize, that by keeping her sickness away from us, she isn't shielding us in any way; she'd just adding to the constant worry on our shoulders.