Jenna Marbles (RANTS)

What Bitches Wear at The Airport

So today, I wanna talk about something that I have gone through non-stop for the past... I don't know... few days or whatever. As a lot of you guys know, I was in India, which was crazy and awesome and quite the life of an experience but in order to get there and in order to get back, I had to do a lot of hanging out at the airport which for those of you who are normal human beings like me, it would be a COMPLETE FUCKING NIGHTMARE.
No I know that this subject has been beat to death, like everybody has said everything there is to say about it but you know what? I'm gonna FUCKING SAY IT.
First thing I have a problem with is bitches walking through the security line, decked out in EVERY KIND OF METAL THERE IS. I'm sorry, did you not know that you were getting on an airplane today? Did you not think about the fact that you were gonna have to go through security in the metal detector? When I go to the airport, I'm wearing like leggings, a shirt and maybe like a sweatshirt, you know? Sorry I didn't take the time to put on every bracelet that I own, my Gucci belt, sunglasses, like a metal headband made out of pierce, spikes and jewellery out the ass, I didn't put $25 worth of change in my pocket and I'm holding on to like 800 metal things cause you know what happens? You walk into the airport looking like a COMPLETE FUCKING ASSHOLE, we can all pick you out in the crowd. You're walking in your heels, you got your little bag,(*oh omigod I'm so hawt! So fucking hot, look at me. I going on an airplane*) And then we all wait, for 6 HOURS to get through security while you walk back and forth through the metal detector, (*bee bee bee* oh sorry I forgot to take this out) ( and repeat for 3 times) . MOTHERFUCKER.
   Then, instead of getting your stuff and your little tray and moving somewhere else, to put it back on, you stand right there and you put it all on, while WE ALL stand there and FUCKING WAIT. Sorry that i have to wait 20 minutes for you to put your SHIT ON because all I need is my turtle backpack and my fucking shoes so I can get to my plane. And you know who I blame this on? I blame it on fucking VICTORIA BECKHAM, and every BITCH just like her that makes people think they need to be all dressed up to go to the airport cause lemme fucking tell you something about Victoria Beckham; she needs to calm the fuck down. It's not like she's flying from London to Paris or some shit, she's flying all over the world. She's flying for like 10 HOUR flights. I just did that flight from like London to LA and Guess what? IT TAKES 10 FUCKING HOURS.
   For someone to sit in their feels, in their mad uncomfortable looking outfit, like it looks like it's squeezing her in all the places that you don't wanna be squeezed for 10 hours, that does not make you stylish okay? It doesn't make you a HOT BITCH, it doesn't make you a BIG FUCKING DEAL. It makes you a GOD DAMN IDIOT. Nothing says i have an IQ lower than 45 like a pair of SIX INCH HEELS. Cause Guess what bitch? You're not going anywhere important 'cause you're sitting next to me in FUCKING ECONOMY.
   And the best thing is when they do the safety thing, and they tell you you know in a case on a emergency, a safety raft comes out or whatever where you pull the lever and the fucking raft comes out, you have to take off your heels because THEY TEAR THE RAFT OPEN. Let's all just think about that for a second. The fact that someone actually had to slide down an emergency raft in heels to TEAR IT, FOR EVERYONE ELSE, in order for them to put that in the safety video. Can YOU imagine being behind that FUCKING ASSHOLE? Your plane just landed in water. And the emergency raft comes out. And some FUCKING BITCH IN HEELS slid down it, in her heels and tore it open. FUCKING BITCH.
   I'll be damned if that happened to me. Ummh. That bitch is the first one getting tossed off that life raft. NOBODY IS GOING TO SAVE YOU. DROWN BITCH. In fact, after I dive into the water from the plane, I'm gonna make sure I put both hands on top of your head and drown you in international waters so no one can FUCKING FIND YOU EVER AGAIN. HOW ARE YOUR HEELS DOING, HUH? HOW 'BOUT YOUR BRACELETS? How's all that metal doing now? Are you fucking drowning? FUCKING SUPER. I bet you never thought about that did you, that that bitch would be the last thing you ever saw before you EXPLODED inside a plane because you couldn't get out.
   So next time you think about about putting heels and your little fucking stupid outfit at the airport, just think about the rest of us dying because of your STUPID FASHION CHOICES. So to all you girls out there, stop wearing your stupid dumbass outfits to the airport.
*starts singing*~Marbles, Fuck Yeah~