Honestly, I love you

Chapter 2

----------------Chapter 2-------------------

Maya was my first, my first kiss, my first love. Cliché? I know but however much I try to make it sound like a hidden love story, I can't cover the truth. She had the prettiest emerald eyes that always seemed to glisten, even in the dark. She made me so happy- something which is hard for me to be. I guess you could say we were inseparable, to the point where my friends turned on me. But I didn't care cause I had Maya. I asked her out 3 year ago when we were 14, I'd liked her a year before that, I was shy (great excuse tobs). Then she said yes, then everything changed. For better, for worse.

Her parents were never too fond of me, they didn't think I was good enough for their daughter, I was the wrong sort. What the wrong sort is, I'm not entirely sure, but apparently I'm it. Her sister, Scarlett, loved me however, to the point where it was a bit weird. I loved going round to her house, almost as much as I loved getting away from mine. If family is the glue of life, hers is like superglue, mine not so much, I'd say more of the poundland pritt stick sort.

You're probably a bit annoyed that I'm going on about Maya but she's important to this story. If you don't understand her, you don't understand me. Without her I'm not me.

We were completely different. I'm tall and slim, she was small and slim. I have dark brown messy hair, she had warm chestnut brown hair. I have blue eyes and she...she had green. Although in the strangest yet most normal way we were exactly the same. She said she loved the way my hugs made her feel safe. Ironic. She said she loved the way I made her laugh. Ironic. And most of all she said she loved me. She loved me, Toby. And without a doubt I loved her back, still do, and most likely always will.

Maya was the first person to call me Teddy as a constant name, my parents called me it when I was little but sure enough I despised the title whenever it escaped their mouths. But I didn't mind it when Maya called me Teddy, the way she whispered it like it was a secret that only we knew, for the first time I felt like I belonged, I belonged with her. Alfie doesn't call me Teddy, he has his reasons and I thank him for that, I know why. Alfie just sticks to plain old Toby. He doesn't think it's plain though, Alfie believes that I'm Toby way more than I'll ever be Teddy. I guess he's right. I guess after it happened Teddy was the part of me that was stuck in this cycle of depression, but Alfie whenever he could tried to bring out Toby, the better side. If you want to, I guess you could label me with whatever mental health issue is necessary, id probably agree. But don't label me, just to hurt me, label me cause you want to help. Labels aren't weapons, in most cases they're our armour. In life we tend to keep ourselves to ourselves, hide behind others, because in reality we are all to scared to stand up and rip the labels off, so we just live with them. Let them fool is into what we think is protection.

At school Maya wasn't shy, she didn't stick to her label, or let the label stick to her. She wasn't afraid to kiss me in public, she didn't care what they thought. I'd always admired her for that but at the same time, I admit, I thought her actions stupid at times. I wasn't as brave as Maya, I was shy and liked to keep myself to myself, I didn't want to be the topic of peoples judgement. I felt more confident with Maya, walking down the hallways with her fingers entwined with mine, I felt... I guess you could say fearless. All the worries I had in my life would disappear the moment her soft lips locked on mine. Not many things can make you feel unstoppable, infinite, but at those times in my life I was. I knew I was. I'm sorry I'm not making this easy for you, I'm not looking for you to live up to this legacy I seemed to have created. I'm looking for you to start a new one.

I remember the first time she said that she loved me,

Maya: Teddy you know you mean a lot right?

Me: yeah of course, I'm amazing (spare me the looks of disgust I thought I was hilarious at the time).

Maya: no but seriously, you mean a lot to me more than I think anyone ever has done.

Me: and Maya you know I feel the same. I've never met anyone like you, I probably never will. I don't want to because if I can't have you, my life won't be worth living long enough for me to find someone.

I didn't know where any of that had come from, but I meant every word, it must've been bubbling up inside, I just didn't realise it at first. Maya Rose, I loved her, and for the first time I told her.

Maya: Toby Edward Hawthorne, *she smiled a smile I will always remember*

Honestly, I love you.