Honestly, I love you

Chapter 4

It was ironic the way I made her laugh, as towards the end I made her cry. Something I never wanted to do. It broke my heart watching her lying there as a single tear fell from her still sparkling eye.

Everyone keeps telling me it wasn't my fault but it was, I know it was. They don't want to hurt me but they don't see how much pain I'm already in. Waking up everyday to the same thought racing through my mind, and ending the day the same way.

So I suppose it's time I told you the story....

Last Christmas, December 1st, I was with my parents decorating the tree. Everything was normal. I rang Maya the same as I did every day. I said 'I love you' and ... And I said 'goodbye'.

At least I got to say it

Then it happened. I'd had a cough for weeks, it was normal. Then I coughed blood.

Let's say I panicked a little and so did my mom and dad.

They rang the ambulance, and next I knew I was in hospital.

Shouts were coming from all different directions, but I couldn't tell who. I heard my mom on the phone, crying, why? I thought.

Then I slipped into unconsciousness, and then I missed it.

When I woke up the ward was a blur. Beeps and muffled cries fell silent in the background. I wish my mind hadn't hadn't regained clarity, I wish it had stayed blurred. When the picture focused. A pair of dark brown eyes were gazing down at me, there was something hidden in those eyes but I had no idea what, I didn't want to know. They were my mothers eyes.

"Toby"

I tried to reply but a lump In my throat prevented me

"Toby, don't worry" why would I worry?

I groaned a reply,

"Toby, I'm so so sorry"

Again why? I didn't get why she was sorry"

"Mom"

"Yes tob"

"Where's maya"

Why wasn't she answering?

~

The next few hours were long. Maya was on her way to see me in hospital. And .... And she ... She died. She was driving too fast I think and got hit. At least I got to say goodbye. The policeman said it was quick, as if that was going to comfort me. It didn't, if I hadn't of been here she wouldn't have died. I never even got to tell her.

They brought her into hospital but they wouldn't let me see her. Why? I screamed why? Tears poured down my face it was all happening too fast I couldn't breathe, I struggled gasping for a little air. But it had all seemed to have been stolen.

Why was I struggling why did I want the air? If Maya couldn't have it, why should i? Why should I even want it?

I screamed at them but nobody was listening. I screamed until my throat was dry and sore. Finally after 20 minutes they took me down to see her.

'Maybe this wasn't such a good idea' I thought as they took me down to the place where she ..'rested'. How could I look at her face knowing it was my fault.

She lay still. Still. she had to move I know she did, but she wouldn't. That's just like her, stubborn. Her skin, so beautiful and soft, why did it look full of life. They wouldn't tell me what damage was actually caused and I don't think I wanted to know.

Then her eyes. They were still open, wide enough so I could see the emerald glistening away distantly. All I could think of was 'come back, look at me' but she didn't. One single tear was still looked in her eye. And at that point I cracked.

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Hi I hope you enjoyed the little update.

I would love for you to leave comments to tell me what you think, and whether you think I should carry on? It would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou :)