death

suicide

  Sometimes i wonder if my life's gonna change. I usually think of dieing because really that's all i wanna do. I don't really talk much in school and when i get the chance to people just tell me to shut up. I'm gonna be a sophomore now The date right now is 6/13/16 2:48pm. I'm kind of a loser though. I don't have any real friends these days because everyone stabs me in the back. I tried to kill myself two weeks ago by slitting my wrist. My mom walked in and saw me half asleep. My bed was drenched with blood. She brought me to the hospital and i kind of got stitches. I wish i would have been home alone i could have died and no one would have cared. It's amazing you know. When you realize that the people that say they are your friends are talking shit behind your back and not caring. Well that night i was ready, i was ready to die. When i woke up in the hospital i started crying because i was still alive; i failed once again. But then again i fail at everything. My head was full of everything i didn't care anymore. I remember grabbing the razor blade and just went across my arm and i thought it was over i thought i was gonna be happy for once but no my mom had to fuck that up by saving me. I'm surprised that she did save me because she usually talks about how fat i am and how she is going to send me away. My step dad always talks about how my body looks like a meat locker because all of my cuts. I'm bulimic now and i have been for at least two months. I don't eat breakfast and i don't eat lunch, but when i eat dinner i puke it back up. It's kind of like an addiction once you start you don't wanna stop because it makes you happy. And being bulimic makes me happy because i am losing weight. I weigh about 145lb. I want to lose more weight though. Today is 6/14/16 12:05, i wanted to overdose last night but someone told me that my beautiful eyes shouldn't cry. i smiled and told him i wanted to kill my self and that i had a bottle of pills in my hand. he told me to put them away so i did.