say its name [anecdote]

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by sarena_a

by sarena_a

say its name

•∞•

"Write me as a draft you open when you're feeling inspiration," she whispered onto the pages of her notebooks. "When the sky is dim, the bed is cold, blanket spreads are empty, and your mind if full."

Rolling onto her back, she slid further into the blankets strewn across her duvet. "Scribble until your sheets are raw and running ink on its sides, and the pen is still bleeding onto paper."

"Tell me all the thoughts you keep stashed away from the morning sun." He smiled with closed eyes and she continued to speak, conscious and steady like the moon outside their window. "Let me be the breaths between running sentences with no punctuation, the blunt edge of a sharpened pencil."

"Hold me as weary as a smudge you cannot erase, and delve into my stains like you are not the only sullied one to grace existence in your muddy fingers." Her breath hitched, and he entwined their fingers. She smiled weakly, before her lips moved to form the words she'd sobbed years ago in a lonely room and a lonely lifetime.

"Whisper my name when the walls are caving, the ground rupturing and the demons seem a little too tempting in the bodies of knives." He closed his eyes, pulling her into his arms. "Say me like a vulgar secret that defiles your innocence, hidden behind a closet that have seen more skeletons than a morgue. Say me, because you are cursedly lonely, bemused by the empty static and the blundering silence."

"Say me," she said, "like the crude thing I am. Say my name. Do not disclose me like inevitability is enough for you to ignore me. Say my name, like a hideous admission. Say my name, like an invitation. Say my name, like a book left unread because it is too painful. Say my name..."

Her tears slip past her closed eyes, teetering off her eyelashes and punctuating the name she'd avoided for so many years.

"... Say it loud, like my counterpart death teases you. Say Life. Say Life and place my full resolution into the syllable. Say Life, and watch me tangle with hope like a fragile flame. Say Life, and tear because if you can say it, you and I are not enemies. Say Life, because you are alive. You are alive."

She says its name loudly, proudly, and no one can call her words dirty confessions.

•∞•