Madness

Chapter 7

The squirrels are everywhere. They are used to us now. Not that I take much getting used to. Chloe is still furious at matron, and she has this way of getting stuff out by talking about it. But I don't want to think about matron right now. I don't want to think of school. Suddenly, at the thought of all of the bad things that have happened, the squirrels grow, become taller, human. The rabbits flee, the birds take flight, and the squirrel-people point and laugh. They push me to the floor and I have no strength against them. They all turn away, pretending that they don't hear my screams. Chloe comes over and grabs my arm, shaking it roughly. When I scream again, she laughs then she, too, walks away. And I am left alone. With no-one there to help me.

That's when the shaking begins and the tears come again. The screaming.

"Nessa? Oh gosh, what's she doing? I don't know what to do. Nessa wake up."

But I'm not asleep. I can hear her, and I can see her. But the shaking goes on.

"I'm going to get help. Stay here!"

Like I have a choice. The black of the world is closing in again. And the squirrel-people are back. Some are laughing at me. Others ignore me. And at the very front, leading them all, is my dad.

I curl up instinctively. Dad's visits are over. They'll never come again.

But he's right there. And so are Mrs Curtis, Mrs Deets and Mrs Vord. Walking straight through him, breaking him into a million tiny pieces. And just as he begins to reassemble, Chloe walks through him.

"Nessa?"

Mrs Curtis' hand is gentle as it holds my arm down, stopping the shaking in it. Or restraining. Mrs Vord is at the other side, and Mrs Deets has my ankles.

"Nessa, calm."

But my dad's back.

"No," I moan, "get him away. Make him go away!"

"Make who go away, Nessa?"

"Get him away. Go away!"

They don't seem to get it. My dad is right there. He's going to hurt me, I know it.

"Nessa, no-one's here but us. Who do you want away?"

"Him!"

"Who?"

Are they blind? My dad's right there! And then it clicks. They are holding me down, holding me in place to make it easier for him. He reaches out and I struggle more.

"Nessa, get who away?"

"Dad!"

He's getting closer, and the human-squirrels are with him.

"No! No!"

Another hand took my wrist. Chloe's. Mrs Curtis held my head still. Dad turned to her, fury in his eyes. Mrs Curtis followed my gaze and narrowed her eyes. Dad snarled at her and continued to lean towards me. Reaching down to unzip his trousers, he leans into my body...

"You're alright, it's okay, your dad's not here," Mrs Curtis tries to reassure me. "He's going now. Going. Back to jail. Relax. It's okay. He's away."

And he was. So I relaxed. The shaking stopped. Almost. My breath was still shaky and I wasn't sure how much control I had. I might lash out. But I had a strange desire to be held. Hugged and cradled and soothed. That was something my dad had taught me never to want. Ever.

The grip on my hands and ankles loosened, and I sat up. Mrs Curtis sighed in relief and sat beside me. Mrs Vord sat on the other side. And they hugged me. And I hugged them back, not because it would comfort them, but because it would comfort me. Mrs Deets and Chloe hugged me as well, as soon as they saw that I would be okay with that.

"I have to go," Chloe said. "We have English. I'll tell Mrs Jarrod where you are."

I shook free of the hug, and followed her out.

"I have to go. I'll behave," I promised her.

They all looked unsure.

"You come straight to one of us if you need to," Mrs Deets said to me. They had followed us out. Chloe turned to lock the door.

It turned out that I did need to go to Mrs Vord. But I didn't. I wouldn't give Mrs Jarrod any excuse to get annoyed at me. I had to tough it out. And Mr Knight from music came up to give me the CD I had left down there to be copied for my project. That gave me a second to breathe.

I had Maths second, and Mrs Curtis gave me an extraordinarily hard maths problem that she knew I would like. I was free third so I just stayed in Maths. Then I had French. Hard, but fun. And Mrs Barnek were nice to me as usual, not making me answer any questions, letting me stay hidden at the back of the class.

So by the time night came, I had managed the day, and Mrs Vord had come to congratulate me with Mrs Deets. And I burst into tears again.

I'm not sure why, but I was scared. Scared that the second I was alone, my dad would come back. But that's stupid. Chloe will be here. So I won't be alone.

Mrs Vord hugged me. And whispered in my ear.

"You're safe. Your dad wont come. He's in jail."

Chloe arrived and Mrs Deets and Mrs Vord left.

"My guess is that you don't want to talk?"

She knew me too well. But curiosity got the better of me.

"Chloe, my dad wasn't here this morning, was he?"

"No."

I nodded. That made me feel slightly better. But, predictably, the nightmares arrived again that night, and I woke once again to find my dad in the corner of the room, and Mrs Curtis reassuring me that it was not real.

But I was not convinced.