Madness

Chapter 10

The night my mother died, my Aunt Alice won a fight with my dad. She got us both out and into the woods. She taught me to climb a basic tree and settled me in it for the night. She knew that my dad would be able to get to me, but that she would get to me faster.

She was beautiful. She had blonde hair like me and mum, and her eyes were dark blue. I trusted her so much. Like I had trusted mum.

That night, I had a nightmare. I was back with dad and mum didn't know yet. He pinned me down and said he was teaching me a lesson. And he pulled off my pyjamas. I woke up screaming. Aunt Alice hushed me and cradled me. And the whole time she was looking at the sky.

"What are you looking at?" I asked her.

"The stars," she replied simply.

And because she was watching the stars, I did to.

"Which one is the brightest?" she had asked.

I pointed at the star that shone so brightly it seemed to envelope me in its light.

"When we die, we become the stars," she said. "The brightest star is the star of the person we love most. The star you just pointed at was your mother. Your Uncle Albert is up there to, and they, your mum and Uncle Albert have joined to make that star brighter."

"Like magic," I whispered.

"Yes," she said. "Just like magic."

The next day, she taught me to properly climb and swing between trees. She taught me to run properly, to find food, and to heal wounds.

"Alcohol is the best remedy for a wound," she would say.

After taking a few months to get used to us, the rabbits and squirrels knew and trusted us. So did the deer. They would show us the safe bushes, and we would share food. We named them. Flick was my favourite. She was the cutest little rabbit, with one pointy ear and one floppy. I think she loved me too.

Time went on, and I got to be a faster runner than Aunt Alice. Every night she would have a smile that she would give to me. I always caught it, and that always made me smile. Aunt Alice became not only my guardian but my best friend. She always assured me that I could tell her anything, everything, and I did. But the dreams just got worse. I couldn't wake up when dad stripped me, or when he lay on top of me. I could even wake when he raped me. I just had to endure it. And when I did eventually wake up, mum's star would shine on me and protect me. But it was useless without protecting me in my sleep. Because that was when I felt the most vulnerable.

Dad came looking for us. I knew he would. He found us about 11 months later. Aunt Alice sat me up a high tree and told me that under no circumstances, until dad was gone, was I to come down. She fought him off, but he cut her stomach before he ran. I jumped down to her and pulled her head onto my knee as she coughed up blood, but I had no alcohol to heal her. Despite everything, she was smiling.

"Nessa, I love you, you know that don't you? You know that I love you?"

I nodded. She wiped away the tear that was forming in the corner of my eye.

"Here," she said, handing me a note, "don't open it yet. Everything I mean to you will come again. Someone, somewhere will love you the way I do, someday, and you will love them back. Then, and only then, can you open this note. You promise?"

I nodded.

"You're so brave," she coughed, and her hand reached from her wound to touch my face. "You're just like your mother."

She threw me a smile.

"Catch."

I reached out and caught it, and when I looked back down, the light had disappeared from her eyes. But there was still a smile on her face.

That night I watched the sky, waiting for her to appear. She didn't. I wanted so badly to open the letter. But I had promised. So I watched the sky every night. She still didn't come. Nor did mum's star get any brighter.

By this time, I was even friends with the wolves. They looked after me. Healed me. Protected me. Kept me safe and warm. Kept me company.

That was how the people found me. Asleep and curled up next to a particularly docile young female wolf that I had named Luna, for the moon. She did not give me up easily, but I was weak and easy to overpower, and once they had a hold of me she would not dare attack, in case she hurt me. They took me to an asylum, where, after a few months of observation, they decided that I was safe to be around people. You came and got me. You know the rest.