The Rainbow Balloon

Chapter 1: Black & Bleak

"Miss Fields" the male receptionist called out. I had been sat waiting for my name to be called. I had been waiting for 40 minutes and had stared at the receptionist wondering about his life. 'Does he have kids? A wife? Is he gay or straight? bi or asexual? Does he see gender as a social construct or not? Is he homophobic?'. I had always thought about these things since she came out to herself. I looked at his curly blonde locks, his square jaw and his deep green eyes. 'I can see he is nice looking but he isn't attractive. At least not to me'. I've always been weird and never had attractive feelings towards men. A few crushes on boys when she was maybe 7 but it was a blur so likely it never happened. My lazy ass finally got up with my black Louis Vuitton handbag and walked towards the black door at the end of the hall. "Madison" the therapist stated as I entered the room. She was a tall woman with a dark blonde bob and a fair complexion. Her office was black and bleak. She sat on a leather chair and gestured for me to sit on the sofa facing her.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Vivian Perry" the therapist revealed smiling. I didn't want to speak and so an awkward silence fell upon the room. 'She is looking at all the forms I had to fill out'. "Madison Anne Fields" Dr. Perry reported "15 years of age. Oh a Gemini I'm a Libra my self we are meant to be compatible".  'I hate Libra's'. "I knew a pink haired girl once that was a Libra" I admitted. "Oh really" the doctor said. "Yer she was a bitch". "Ok then" Dr. Perry muttered "I'm going to ask you a simple question. Do you know why you are here?". 'Cus my mum if forcing me' I thought I should say. 'Be honest'. "My mum .. she is worried about me it's all because of last year and ..-" "and being Gay" Dr. Perry interrupted going straight to the point. "When did you know Miss Fields? That you were not well conventional". 'Conventional? Is this bitch for real. Calm now Mad deep breathes'. I kept breathing until I was ready. "I suppose it started when I was at my Great Aunt Jessica's Funeral in Philadelphia".

*Flashback: 6 years ago - Philadelphia, PA*   

"Hello little Maddie" Aunt Florence whined as she pinced my cheek "Oh Tara this is my sister Lillian and her daughter Madison". "Nice to meet you" Tara loudly spoke as she shook my mum's hand. Tara had fake red hair to cover for her mid-life crisis and grey hair's. Her cheekbones were high and her face weirdly shaped. She was not as pretty as my mother or my aunt Florence who looked exactly like her. They were practically twins with the same blonde hair and dark eyes that we would call the Fields Gene. I never got to inherent them. "Lilly this is Tara an old friend of mine and Aunt Jess". When my mum tarnished the Fields name by not going to one of the I.V League Schools and instead ran away with my dad she left New Jersey for good. Most of the family lived in Pennsylvania and so my mum's parents and siblings moved there and settled in while my mum was off somewhere. "I didn't realise you had yet another sibling" joked Tara "You Fields know how to breed". They all laughed although my mum looked very awkward and out of place. "Funny enough Lilly is the only one of us who only had one. You have more than her" Florence added still laughing. I wondered why they were laughing so loud. Mum told me it was a sad time to be sad over my mummy's aunt yet they were laughing. "You have more than one and I think you are crazy" my mum admitted "This one is hard work and she is 9." "9 and 3 quarters" I added because mummy forgets I'm so close to double digits. "Really she looks very calm to me and very pretty especially in that black dress". "Nathan" she screamed. This woman is really weird and not polite. "Nathan this is Maddie she is almost 10 like you". Tara has an ugly son and his suit is messy. I hate talking to kids. "Hi Maddie" Nathan groaned "Can I go now". "No" shrieked Tara "Go get Annie". The pug noised boy ran off and came back with a little red haired girl with gorgeous green eyes . "Like you Lillian I planned to have one but I ended up with Twins" Tara laughed "Maddie this is Annabelle, Annabelle this is Maddie". Oh my she is beautiful. So pretty I want to share a cookie with her. She smiled at me and I had to smile back because I would be rude. She look nothing like her pug noised demon of a brother. "Got to go talk to Jim come with Florence" Tara shouted. "Bye Lilly and see you soon Maddie Moo" Aunt Florence said before falling Tara and her psycho ass. Hehe I love saying ass it's such a bad word. Mum walked me outside to a pretty fountain near the church hall. We met a bunch of people I didn't know but also Pops and Nanny. "Mad my little chicken" Pops muttered has he picked me up. "Lillian darling!" Nanny exclaimed as she hugged mummy "Have you seen Florence". "Yes and I met Tara". "Tara has married into the Redwood Family and she is a lovely woman" Pops said seeming concerned about my mother being embarrassed about meeting her. She is a silly lady and very loud. "I mean she is but quite rough". "She has produced soon to be wealthy children who will be well educated. A nice match for your dau..-"  "Don't say it Mother". "Madison is half mutt and well it would be good to marry into such a rich family that's all I was saying. I'm really confused what they are talking about but who cares it's boring. I begin to play with the grass after Pops put's me down. "Marrying my 9 year old daughter of is wrong and illegal. We don't live in the early 1900's anymore mother. She isn't going to marry Tara's kid". Wait I get to marry Annie. "Mum what if I want to marry them" I mention. Everyone began to laugh. "How sweet" Mum says "You are to young to marry Nathan no matter what Nanny and Pops say". "Ew" I say thinking about how ugly Nathan is "I meant Annabelle". Everyone began to laugh, all of them going red even my mum. Why do they think it's silly I wan't joking "What is everyone laughing about?"  my aunt Florence wondered. "Maddie is being silly. She thought we were talking about marrying her to Annabelle not Nathan" Nanny said hysterically laughing. For a moment I thought my Aunt would defend me but she burst out laughing to. Why do people think I was joking?

"So you realised you liked girls at your great aunt's funeral" Dr. Perry observed. "I had never felt the feelings of liking someone in that way before then so I guess" I admitted. "Your mother and other relatives, they all laughed at you is that why you hate your sexuality so much?". What is she saying that I hate myself? I thought about it for a while and tried to say no but it failed. "Yes" came out of my mouth. I couldn't stop it. "Yes my family laughed and hated that life style to the point I could admitted to who I truly was". The timer ran out. "Look Maddie you are the last person I am seeing today why don't you stay and talk more. I won't charge I ..-" "I can't" I interrupted. I got up and ran out the door. No one knows who I am apart from this therapist and I don't want to talk about it.