'A Special Kind Of Suicide'

3

25th March:

I woke up surrounded by people shouting names of medicines and equipment. I had been IP plenty of times due to dehydration through not keeping water down but this time my head was spinning too much too care. My thoughts raced as i tried so desperately to remember how stupid i had been to get myself here this time. I managed to pull together all my strength to turn my head to my left. My mom was no where in sight which i found strange considering her daughter was lying in an intensive care unit. Then it hit me and i froze, ICU was a bit more serious than i had hoped...

Before i could get too lost in my thoughts, the curtain that isolated me slid open and my social worker burst in. Why are they always so happy despite whatever the situation is? Everything was too busy for me to grasp but Bridie took a gentle hold of my hand that was filled with IV tubes and rubbed my fingers slowly, one by one. Bridie and i had always been close, but her warm touch comforted me in a mother figure kind of way. I hate being soft but it always happens when I'm in hospital. It's definitely the humid air.

I tried desperately to focus on the details she was telling me, but my head was again flooded with my own voices telling me how fat and lazy i was sat here. The saline drip was making me fat. Maybe i'm in here because I'm so fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. I don't know how it got this bad.

"Mrs Groves is being arrested on suspicion of foul play leading to the injury of her two children."

The words echoed through my head. I felt as though i had been hit by a truck. You never think it is going to happen to you...

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Bit of a dissapointing/messy update :(
Had a hard few days, the next chapter is a long and exciting one i promise😽💕