I MEAN

i was... Judgement

I was in the middle writing a update and was rey go off on knuck cause now he just making up shit but something caught my eye

I didn't wanna post this update but Hey here it is

I clicked it and it was this video

This shit had my body having chills like I'm still laying in the same spot it was like I could imagine everything he was saying  my eyes started sweating man

Y'all gotta watch it

And please if you don't wanna believe it and saying it's fake don't say it on my book

I wouldn't mind knowing what y'all think

Just keep the negative opinions to your self

Also if you believe in Allah (I believe that's how you spell it ) or anybody else I don't have no problem with you guys

I know it's alot of people who also don't believe in Jesus

I don't have nothing against those

But he's real I believe in him

(Honestly don't go further if you gone have some smart shit to say )

I'll confess right now their was a point in my life not to long ago I felt like their was no one no god

As much as my grandmother talks about the Lord or always had us reading one when we was at her house

And I stopped Believing

When my dad died all I could do is ask God why (I was only 13 but that's no excuse)

My grandmother said I wasn't suppose to ask why but I found my self asking that

I prayed and I feel bad because when my dad was just hooked up to the machines and everything I didn't even get to talk to him all I could do is keep repeating I love you over over over and over again

I even went to the chapel and prayed and I thought god didn't hear my prayer but i have to learn everything couldn't go my way either if God heard it or not he already had a plan

I just wonder why all the bad things happen to the good people ?

I blamed myself because the night before he wasn't feeling good

I kept asking daddy do you want me call the permedics he was like no mymy I'm ok i just said ok love you he said love you too and gave me a kiss on my cheek

I was looking for him in the morning and noticed it was his day to go to dialysis

So long story short everybody basically kept me in the dark the whole time I got dressed to we pulled up to the hospital

(Reminding you the whole time I'm in the shower I'm praying when I got out me and my nephew and nieces praying that nothing wasn't wrong with my mom or dad )

We pulled up to saint Agen's

And all I could think about was my dad he the only one who go their

We walked in and my aunt just was like he can't leave us and all that and she said my dad name and it felt like my heart litterly stopped

When we got to the waiting room i litterly burst into tears when it settled that something was going on with him

And my sister(Mom side )came over and told me everything would be fine

My sister on my dad side was just sitting their like they wasn't even their sometimes when he needed them my two sisters that's not my dad kids was their more then her like they was my dad kids cause their dad wasn't around all the time

And my dad claimed them no matter what he always said they was his kds shit my dad litterly gave us all the world (me being the last child I'm spoiled 😭😂And mymy gets what ever mymy wants )

They litterly made me my sister (on my dad side ) and my brother decided what to do and we wasn't letting them pull that plug

Long story short I didn't wanna leave I kept lieing like we can leave in 2hours then I'll be ready couple hours later I'm like once we see him again then we can leave

Long story short doctors came and got us all

When they said he only had a couple minutes left

I swear it's like my life came crashing down

But I wasn't depressed I could eat I was cleaning up alot

I was in denial And i think I still am

The other day I rode pass  the hospital hoping the red light don't catch us and it did so we was sitting at the light and I just had flashbacks of that day

He passed AUGUST 18 !!! And last time I heard his voice was AUGUST 17 💔

If anybody wondering how he got to the hospital (if you care if not I honestly don't care ) but his heart stopped while he was at dialysis

Moral of the story i was just saying how I once stopped Believing in God but when I tried doing that It basically didn't work cause I would find myself praying

Anyway that's it for that update
.if you have questions you can ask I don't mind

Don't ask "so you don't believe in God ? "

Because the answer is Yes i do believe in God